A taste of testicles at 120 km/h
With a small room full of my journalist peers looking on I decide to prove my mettle and be the first one down the luge track. I swagger onto the ice and lay down on the simple sled. My testicles rise into my throat.
Canada Olympic Park offers anyone save those with back issues heart problems or a height deficiency a chance to experience luging or bobsledding firsthand. It costs $25 for a quick bomb down the luge track or $165 for a bobsled run.
Monica Gorham a former competitive luger and our instructor for the quick ride down the track is matter-of-fact. She explains to the small gathering of nervous newbies that the elbow pads we’ve been given will help when we hit the walls.
“I’m sorry did you say hit the walls?” I ask. Yes it turns out she did.
You lay down on what amounts to two curved pieces of wood with metal bases strapped together with fabric and a bit of steel. Gorham tells us to relax and make sure our shoulders are on the sled at all times — that’s what you use to steer. She says taking your shoulders off the sled is like taking your hands off the steering wheel of your car. No problem.
Although the COP brochure says the average speed on the track is 20 to 40 kilometres per hour my group’s average speed will turn out to be around 57 km/h.
I grasp the handgrips at the start of the track and propel myself forward. When you first see the wall coming at you with your vulnerable feet hanging out in front there’s a moment of panic. Soon though you rush smoothly up the wall horizontal with the icy track and then back down. It’s usually then that you bump into the sides and try to remember to keep your shoulders down your hands on the sled and your mind calm.
The rush is exhilarating. It leaves your legs shaking slightly not to mention a goofy smile that is impossible to remove. Everyone comes off the track with a wide nervous grin and a slight twitch to their calm exterior.
We were quickly taken from the base of the luge track to the top of the hill to load our fragile human frames into what is essentially a large projectile with sparse seating for foolish thrill-seekers — a bobsled.
This time around you have a professional driver with you and two other companions to hopefully hold you in. It’s a good thing too because this ride is intense. Picture one of the craziest roller coasters you’ve been on remove all of the safety devices that give you a false sense of security and then add highway speeds.
Sarah Monk Paes a retired professional bobsled driver and babysitter to the scared journalists now screaming down the track had some helpful advice. “If you have to go to the bathroom I’d recommend you do that now.”
The G-force heading into some of the turns is enough to force your head down make your body feel a few hundred pounds heavier and put more than a little pressure on your bladder. Monk Paes once had a teammate who had a tendency to lose it on the track. They would hit a hard turn Monk Paes would hear her giggle and she knew.
One of the people helping our sled into the grooves made by the sled’s blades tells us if we flip over just “turtle” and wait for help. No problem.
I climbed into the fragile-looking vehicle my legs around our driver Paul Karchut from CBC radio tucked in snug behind me and Trent Edwards from the Calgary Herald hopefully holding us all in at the back. There is nothing to prepare you for what comes next.
A slow start quickly turns into a thundering shaking mess of adrenaline fear and excitement. Your whole body vibrates as you bank hard into turns riding the high walls and smoothly flying into the next straightaway. The force on your body is intense and can’t be fought. If you don’t keep your head in the right spot with your shoulders hunched up you’re at the mercy of physics. The final looping curve presses you down hard — you can feel your cheeks droop.
Flying out of the final turn Monk Paes leans back into me pulling hard on the brakes trying to slow down over 180 kilograms of shaken journalists travelling 118 km/h.
For the wimps among us it’s probably best to avoid this harrowing winter adventure — maybe the merry-go-round at Chinook Centre would suffice. If however you’re looking to get your heart pumping in the cold weather or if you have someone impossible to shop for COP might have the answer.
