TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
Whoa there pardners! Haven’t you learned nothin’ from the history of child actors? If you’re too popular too soon the longevity of your career will be shrouded in doom. Take it as slow and easy as you can or you’ll just end up another flash in the pan!
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
If you’re wonderin’ why you’re gettin’ all these weird ideas this weekend it’s ’cause the Moon’s wanderin’ through your sign. What you might wanna know though is that some of those schemes are sure to succeed. Which ones? Well you’ll know if it’s your heart and not just your mind that you heed!
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
You Cancers are more susceptible to the moon than most so look out on Monday when your sign is her host. Her mission is to make you do mad crazy things without stoppin’ to think about what they might bring. Why don’t you outsmart her and think about the results of your actions before you take ’em ’cause the worse your mistakes the harder it is to shake ’em!
LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
You’ll feel your fire flaring next week and you’ll find you need to let off some steam. Just remember that it’s pretty hot stuff and you can easily scald someone else. Unless you want ’em tryin’ to extinguish you there’s not much you can do. Keep your pent-up pressures apart from the general population or you’ll prod someone to put you out!
VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
You’re an Earth sign you know the deal on this here planet. You’ve gotta work for everything you get and if you’re still breathin’ you ain’t done workin’ yet. Don’t depart from those down-home values this week or you’ll soon find yourself floatin’ up the creek!
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)
You’re bein’ a bit of a worrywart right now but that’s not to say you’re way outta line. Sure life right now is not exactly "fine" but how much better will it be if you’re frettin’ constantly? You’ll get through these troubles easily if you just do your best to lift up your chin and stick out your chest!
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
Just when you thought you had it all under control someone shows up this week to deal you a blow. Don’t worry it ain’t fatal. It’s more like play-fighting — they’re just doin’ it to keep you on your feet. But you are gonna have to dig deep into your bag of tricks if you wanna compete.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
Wonderin’ where all that money is? Well wouldn’t you know it the cheque’s in the mail! Ain’t that the way it always is? Until then you might wanna ask someone in a better position to help you out or before the rain comes you could succumb to drought!
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
This week you need to connect with nature more than normal so get in touch with your inner goat. Known for your ability to navigate nefarious rock formations and mountains no one can touch you when you’re prancing around those jagged peaks. It’s time to get to those places where other people won’t go and leave the crowd far far below!
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
Imagine your surprise when you realize this week that mixing black and white not only gets grey but checkers houndstooth polka-dots paisley stripes and more. In fact you never knew there was so much variety in black and white. And just when you needed a new wardrobe too!
PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
Just when you think you’ve got all the bases covered you notice somebody tryin’ to steal one of ’em. Now you could pitch and let ’em take it hold up the game and throw the ball to your player on base or even better just bean ’em. That’s right. Chuck the ball at their melon. This ain’t baseball; it’s a metaphor! You can do whatever you want!
ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
You’ve got good reach a nice combo and nobody can take a punch in the head like you. Problem is you’re so quick to come outta your corner you end up spendin’ most of your energy shadowboxin’. You ain’t gonna actually win a purse unless you’re fightin’ a worthy opponent instead of just a bum — or worse.
