FFWD REW

High Five – week of May 31 2012

I. BIEBER’S BEATING

Justin Bieber is turning into a little badass. Ever since he cut off his iconic mop hair and started whispering the word “swag” like the whitest rapper ever he’s really coming into his own as a slightly less girly young man. To prove his budding machismo dude took it a step further and allegedly attacked a paparazzo on Sunday May 27. The photographer was trying to snap shots of Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez at a shopping mall and the singer lost his shit allegedly attacking and injuring the man behind the camera. Dude is pressing charges against Bieber who could face six months in the klink if he’s convicted. Obviously the singer has some of the best lawyers in the world and won’t lose the case but it does offer an important reminder: you don’t fuck with the Biebz especially at the mall. That’s his turf man.

II. OVER SIMPLIFIED

While there’s definitely something to be said about the nobility of raising awareness about grave global issues to young audiences it feels a little weird to me that Cancon goofballs Simple Plan are filming a documentary on human trafficking for MTV. I just don’t think I can learn anything about such a truly horrific practice from a bunch of corny-as-shit grown men who dress like shift managers at the most suburban West 49 imaginable. Either way Simple Plan drummer Chuck Comeau revealed via Twitter that the band is travelling around Asia to work on a documentary about the subject. Here’s hoping it’s tasteful and educational and that it doesn’t include any of Simple Plan’s music. In fact if you’re reading this MTV take them out of the whole thing entirely.

III. JIMI 3000

It’s been rumoured since 2006 and now it’s finally happening: for better or worse Outkast rapper Andre 3000 is starring in a Jimi Hendrix biopic. Images hit the web of Andre looking like a regular voodoo chile with a Hendrix wig and some ’60s garb. Last year reports surfaced that Hendrix’s estate would not be licensing his music to the film so it’s unclear if they’ve changed their minds or if we’re looking at an unlicensed film about a musician named Jiminy Huntricks. Just like that classic 30 Rock episode with the Janet Jopler film.

IV. AMANDA PALMER

As much as I’m sick of getting notifications that people want money to fund their shitty concept album about clouds or whatever the fact is that crowd-funding is working well for a lot of people. Take former Dresden Dolls frontwoman and current corset-wearing caricature Amanda Palmer who recently raised over $1 million via Kickstarter in less than a month. ONE MILLION DOLLARS! That’s like some villainous plot-to-destroy-the-world ransom money. Sure she’s using it for an album an artbook and a tour but that’s a shit-ton of cash. Worst of all it’s only going to encourage a million more sad hopeless Kickstarter projects.

V. WEANING OFF WEEN

I’ve never ever understood the appeal of Ween but I know there are many Ween fans out there who treat the band like a religion with their weird secret language and some bizarre character that they treat like their god. Honestly I feel like I’d need to spend a weekend digging through Ween fan sites to begin to understand this band but maybe I won’t bother because all reports suggest they’ve broken up. After close to 30 years together frontman Aaron Freeman told Rolling Stone that he’s done with his Gene Ween character and he wants to move on from the project. Sorry nerds.

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