FFWD REW

Cruisin’ the Cosmos – week of Sept 27 2012

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) Suddenly a gleaming shaft of light from the heavens pierces the dark skies above you illuminating your path ahead to make it crystal clear. For a short time you can even see each individual step that must be taken along this road. The trouble is getting you offa your lazy ass to take ’em!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) Gettin’ loaded smashed baked cooked ripped lit wasted fried stoned twisted FUBARed blasted or even old-fashioned falling-down drunk ain’t gonna do you any favours. Ever thought about how much it costs? Like total cost — including health — and not just the money at the counter? T’ain’t funny McGee.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) Just when you thought your account was desiccated that kooky karma makes a deposit for you. You’re far-sighted enough to know that a good thing doesn’t last forever so get the most out of it now — and how!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) Sure you may think you have your act together but a little bit of luck can ruin anything. Just ask a big lottery winner. That’s okay though. No matter how much good fortune screws you up it always gives you a pretty clear view of what’s really goin’ down.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) This is it. You’ve gotta make up your mind (or theirs) once and for all. Start pullin’ the petals from your pretty little flower. SHe loves me SHe loves me not… who can argue with the answer when it comes from creation?

PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) You won’t have problems gettin’ your stooges to do whatever you want this week. You’re smarter and probably even stronger too. That’s why you’re Moe and you run the show. This ain’t a movie though so be careful not to gouge anybody’s eyes out tough guy.

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) If you’re careful about how you conduct your business you’ll be blessed with beaucoup bucks. But even better if you’re anal about your affairs then you’ll end up stinkin’ rich!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) Any good general will tell you all battles have “acceptable losses.” It’s usually the amount of soldiers they calculate can buy it before winning the objective becomes too expensive. Time to send yours out to the front chief.

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) If you lose your groceries when the bottom falls out of your bag what do you do? Go around slittin’ the bottoms of other people’s to get a bun here or some beef jerky there? What if they were bringing that whole bag to you because they knew of your loss? Need any more rope?

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) Just because the foundation and the frame are built doesn’t mean you have a home. Who the heck would wanna make that their habitat? Don’t sweat it though. You’ll figure out how to get it finished by Friday.

LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) You’ve been cookin’ your karmic casserole for a while now when this weekend Lady Luck comes along and puts the oven on “Lovin’.” Holy hot! Now your dish is browning beauts! Just make sure you keep a close eye on your cuisine ’cause no tasty tidbit could take it that hot for too long.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) Quit lyin’ to yourself like a chump. You know what’s really goin’ on and you know why. If you could get off your lazy butt then you’d solve pretty much all your problems wouldn’t you? Luckily it looks like you’ll get some incentive at the start of the week.

Tags: