I have been writing for Fast Forward Weekly on and off since 2009. I started doing music and movie reviews on occasion and eventually I was asked if I could write about snacks for the FFWD blog. I have always enjoyed writing for the paper as the editors gave me the creative freedom to do whatever I wanted. Well mostly.
It’s sad that the one alternative free paper in the city that primarily deals with local news and entertainment is being shut down. It was a good run. To deal with this harsh blow I will recommend some choice snacks to eat while going through the Five Stages of Grief also known as the Kübler-Ross model.
Denial
When in denial you aren’t really thinking straight. You aren’t worried about a lot of things going on around you. You are rejecting the problem and making up a false reality. For this you are probably going to ignore any sort of healthy treat and go straight for the fatty sugary foods. The go-to snack in this stage would be doughnuts. I would actually kill for a six-pack of Krispy Kremes right now but those have gone the way of the dodo in Canada. Ignoring good taste you could always mow down on some Tim Horton’s doughnuts. Ben and Jerry’s ice cream is also a classic kind of cliché snack to eat when in denial.
Anger
When you are angry you can say and do a lot of stupid stuff. You are having wild reactions without actually thinking. It’s hard to articulate something well when you are pissed off. Why not couple this with some spicy food? If you are going to be a hot head you may as well put something spicy in your mouth. Maybe just dump a bunch of hot sauce on your pizza. If you are going to be unreasonably angry you may as well ruin a perfectly good ’za with a butt-load of Sriracha. When I was younger I ate half a jar of jalapenos in one sitting just because I was bored. I’m sure that would take your mind off of whatever you were angry about in the first place if only for a little while.
Bargaining
This stage involves the hope that an individual can avoid a cause of grief or find a compromise in their situation. Maybe you are seeking religion or you decided to be on a healthier more productive path than you were before? This calls for something healthy and delicious. All of those doughnuts have made you quite round and slow and the spicy food is making your stomach an unhappy camper. It’s time to get into the salad game. Simple cheap and with a wide variety of ingredients the salad is the go-to food for those who want to be healed. Sure you can still shovel garbage food into your stomach but even it out with some greens. Otherwise you will feel worse than you do already. You are in a state of grief after all. I don’t need to tell you how to make a salad. I am sure you can figure it out.
Depression
Depression often hits me like a ton of bricks so I know all too well about my snacking habits when it does. Those snacking habits are just like a tornado of crappy food flying into my face. The chips aisle at the supermarket is heavily monitored at this time. Pepperoni sticks and other gas station foods are often bought during these sad times. Salty snacks are the primary target in this bummer zone. This is another time like denial when the diet is completely ignored. Nothing seems to matter so why should your body matter? This is a tough one to shake but hey tortilla chips with queso are pretty damn good.
Acceptance
It is hard to do it but finally you have to accept that whatever happened sucks but you have to get over it and move on with your life. When that moment happens it’s not great but it’s not bad either. You have to live your own life! It’s not so much of a celebration but it is comforting. At this point you should be eating something that makes you comfortable. Something that is tasty and has this kind of nostalgic feeling for you. Maybe a nice chicken dinner like your parents used to make. Comfort food is important. I remember eating hot dogs with Cheez Whiz at my family’s cottage with my grandparents when I was about eight and I still love that food to this day. I don’t have it often but it’s always a nice reminder of good times.
