After 19-plus years of weekly forecasts I’d like to thank all the wonderful readers over the past two decades who have made every single word spilled on these pages worth it. Since a weekly prognostication seems insufficient for the last issue of Fast Forward Weekly I felt parting advice would serve you all be better. So without further adieu (literally)…
PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) There may be plenty of fish in the sea but few can navigate the murky depths of the emotional ocean as well as you Pisces. Be like the Angler fish — shine your light no matter how dark it gets and you’ll attract everything you need!
ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) Aries may be a ram but Ares is the God of War — and another name for Mars which is your ruler. Don’t forget that fighting for your rights and battling on behalf of those you love only brings you closer to being a deity!
TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) If anyone knows the world is full of a whole lotta bull it’s you. While you can definitely lay down the B.S. with the best of them never forget you are also the best B.S. detector around. Those you love will need that aspect of your gift more than any other!
GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) Two-faced? Twice as nice? Both? In real life it will always be the latter. You were given double the personality for better or worse. Love and use both sides and you’ll see it as a blessing not a curse!
CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) Some folks say crabs never get ahead because they only walk sideways. That’s ’cause they can’t understand how you can look at the big blue and walk forever along a beach. Forge your own path and if someone tries to change your direction your claws can be used to show ’em your wrath!
LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) You can’t train a cat like you can train a dog but if a cat thinks it’s in their best interest to learns something new you can bet felines’ll train themselves faster than canines. Before you shy away from something new check again what may be in it for you!
VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) “Virgo” and “vertigo” are awfully similar sounding. Maybe it’s because your sign seems afraid of heights? It could explain why you’re harder on yourself than you are on others — if you didn’t pick yourself apart so much you’d have to admit you’re the best and deserve to be on top. Admit it!
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) You and blind Lady Justice share the scales as a major symbol. However unlike her there is no need for you to be blind. Trust your judgment but consider extenuating circumstances — the best things in life often arise from second chances!
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) You never get a fair shake. It’s like no one knows the fable of the Scorpion and the Frog and even if they do they still wanna blame you for being you. Screw that noise. What the fable downplays is the honest Scorpion never lied and no one gets stung if you aren’t being taken for a ride!
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) Are you a horse’s ass or a deadly archer? Animalistic or humane? Seriously it can be hard to tell with you when you keep copping out and flip-flopping between A and B. When you’re both you’re more than a beast and you become the magical mystical creature you were meant to be!
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) You’re like the mullet of the zodiac. From head-on view you seem super-serious but behind the scenes you’re the good kind of delirious. You can keep yourself happy by maintainin’ that two-pronged attack: all business up front and a big party in the back!
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) You’re by far the easiest sign to offer advice. It’s not because you’re simple (you’re totally complex) or easy to read (not even kinda). It’s just because there’s only really one thing you need to remember: it don’t matter how low or how high always let your freak flag fly!