Wrapping up the best parts of the worst films of 2016. I guess every other movie was perfect, or something.
2016 had its share of bad movies, including ones I never covered in the previous seven entries in this column. I didn’t mention Absolutely Fabulous, for example (Best Bit: sitting in the half-empty theatre before it started, feeling smug about my iconoclastic taste in British sitcoms), or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Best Bit: the title, of course), or even Uwe Boll’s last movie before he retired from filmmaking, Rampage 3: President Down (Best Bit: after the credits roll, Uwe Boll looks straight into the camera, tips his hat to the audience, and walks away from show business forever — and yes, that actually happened).
But saying nice things about 2016’s stinkers is getting a bit tired now, and I think we’re all ready to stop. But first, we need to discuss …
BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Hey, isn’t part of the fun of a superhero movie supposed to be cheering these guys on? I can’t cheer for Batman; he’s trying to kill Superman. And I can’t cheer for Superman because he’s trying to kill Batman. And both heroes cause widespread mayhem with their laser eyes and Bat-machineguns. (Wow, this film really needed more Wonder Woman in it!) Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor is absolutely painful to watch, but his plan to pit these titans against one another made me realize something: making two good guys fight each other is an act of sadism. So isn’t it a bit sadistic for audiences to want to see such a fight in the first place?
The movie tries to make the fight more likely by increasing the violence and stupidity of both characters. Then, it ends with an extremely long funeral, which is exactly what we all came here to see. Right?
But why are we going over all of this? Most of you have seen the movie. It sold lots and lots of tickets, and it made a lot of people unhappy. Let’s just skip to …
THE BEST BIT
Batman v Superman made us all realize just how badly we needed The Lego Batman Movie. Wow! Did you see Lego Batman? It’s so good! After so much angsty, dark, grey Zack Snyder-inflicted misery, we can finally watch a FUN Batman movie! We can even bring kids to it! That’s been an issue for superhero flicks for a while now! Can all the superheroes get their own Lego movies now? Because I am hooked!
Right after seeing Lego Batman, I raced home and watched the corny old 1966 Batman movie with Adam West, and I loved it. After so much Batman-inflicted carnage from Dawn of Justice, it was a treat to be reminded of a time when Batman would run through the streets carrying a cartoonish bomb, unwilling to let it detonate near any bystanders, nuns, or little baby ducks.
John Tebbutt is the Video Vulture. He has been writing about obscure and ridiculous cinema since 1997. You can keep up with his nonsense on his website, Facebook and Twitter. You can also watch Volume 1 of his new series produced for NUTV here.