Nothing wrong with a good cry during sex

Dear Josey;

My boyfriend and I were fooling around the other night and something odd happened when he was shall we say satisfying me manually — I burst into tears! I was enjoying myself very much and I wasn’t crying because it hurt. Actually I believe I exploded in tears because it just felt too good. Is this normal?

Cry Baby

Dear Cry Baby;

Weird hey? I’ve had it happen too. There you are having the time of your life ready to burst with excitement and instead you burst into tears. I wouldn’t worry your pretty little head about it. Have you ever found yourself laughing uncontrollably at an inappropriate moment like when you’re interviewing a woman whose daughter has been kidnapped during a war in El Salvador? (Yeah it happened to me on live radio many years ago) Laughter and tears can both be outlets when you’re feeling something very intense or even uncomfortable. Sometimes sex can get so intense your body looks for any means of release. Some people laugh some cry some yawn. These are all natural outlets for any build-up of energy and tension. The first time I cried after an orgasm it freaked me out and my partner was terrified he’d done something to upset me. Now I actually enjoy the intensity. As far as I’m concerned tears get a bad rap in our society. A good cry does wonders for me and mixed with the release of an orgasm — what can I say it saves on the therapy bills. Of course if you were feeling sad and fucked-up and crying I’d be more worried. That could be an indication there was something else going on — some buried trauma triggered by sex. But if that’s not the case and your eyes wanna spurt when you do enjoy the release. Think of it as an eye ejaculation.

Dear Josey;

Have you ever heard of a guy having an orgasm without ejaculating? This is something that started happening to me about three years ago. I have to say that when I do have an orgasm without the usual sticky mess it’s more mind-blowing than usual. I can actually feel the mechanism down there “exploding.” This happens about one out of every five times. What can I say… they’re great! The thing I’m concerned about is that when this happens my partner doesn’t believe that I actually “came.” What can I do to convince her?

Shooting Blanks

Dear Shooting;

Male practitioners of tantric sex devote their lives to sticky-mess-free orgasms. The belief behind this is that ejaculating wastes your precious seed and robs you of a full body/mind and theoretically more spiritually orgasmic experience. I’ve heard guys say that this kind of ejaculation-free orgasm feels closer to the kind of full-body orgasm women usually experience when they come. Give yourself a pat on the back for coming like a girl. If your girlfriend needs your jizz all over the place to prove you’ve hit the jackpot maybe you could start wondering if she’s really coming if she’s not ejaculating. Or better yet buy her a good book on tantric sex so she can understand the difference between squirting and coming. Heck she should be happy she’s not having to dig the stuff out of her bellybutton.

Of course the other thing that could be happening is something known as retrograde ejaculation. Sometimes due to a blockage or some other malfunctioning of the equipment a guy may not be able to ejaculate.

That doesn’t mean he can’t have an orgasm. It’s just that instead of the semen getting used in a game of target practice the stuff slinks back into his bladder and he eventually pees it out. There’s been a fair bit of research on this condition and so far they’ve found no evidence of long-term harm. (Unless the blockage is an earplug as in the case of one guy I read about who shoved one in his dick to stop himself from coming because his girlfriend was bugged he came too quickly. Problem was he couldn’t pee either and after a few days and some crippling abdominal pain he wound up in the hospital).

Otherwise lack of ejaculation while perhaps slightly distressing and a bit of a problem if you’re trying to have kids is not necessarily dangerous. However you should check with your doctor just to be sure there isn’t some sort of blockage or any other underlying problems with the plumbing.