Chasteberry can suppress an overactive male libido
Dear Josey;
Do you know of any herbs or homeopathic remedies that would decrease an overactive sex drive? Would these work equally on men as on women?
In Overdrive
Dear In Overdrive;
Testosterone drives the libido so the main goal here is to lower the testosterone and raise the estrogen level but you have to be careful — it’s a tricky balance and it doesn’t work the same way with men as with women. Helen Young a Toronto herbalist says the best approach before you go taking any chemicals or supplements is to check for nutritional difficulties and adjust your diet accordingly. She also says there may be paradoxical results with herbal treatments. Some of the herbal therapies meant to calm the testosterone-producing glands may actually raise testosterone levels depending on an individual’s chemical response. You have to see what works for you. Young suggests trying chasteberry once called monk’s p epper as it was known to calm sexual desire in men. Young says the herb has a balancing effect on hormones as it works through the pituitary the master gland that regulates hormone levels in the body. Black willow (which also helps with kidney and bladder problems as well as headaches) is another herb that has a long reputation for calming an overactive libido.
Note that chasteberry does not have the same effect on women though it can be useful for menstrual-cycle irregularities PMS and in the treatment of infertility. Don’t use it if you are pregnant or lactating however. Angelica is another herb that cuts sex drive but Young cautions that men should not take this herb for very long. Always check with a qualified herbalist before trying any herbal remedies.
Apparently marjoram (not the stuff you sprinkle in your stew but rather the essential-oil form) helps to chill out your sex drive. It’s also good for PMS. You can burn the oil and inhale the fumes or use it in massage oil. A couple of warnings: marjoram oil can control sexual desire but regular use can permanently numb erotic sensations and impair sex drive and sexual function. Do not use marjoram in early pregnancy or in high doses as it can have a narcotic effect. I can hear the stampede now.
Folks again I can’t stress this enough don’t fool around with herbs or essential oils without talking to someone qualified. You can start by inquiring at your local health-food store.
Dear Josey;
This is hard to talk about. The first time I had sex was with my cousin (he was 14 and I was 13) and while I don’t feel scarred by this it does creep me out a little sometimes. Is it common for first-time sexual experiences to be with a sibling or cousin around the same age?
More Than Kissing Cousins
Dear More;
Oddly there aren’t a lot of studies on first-time experiences with siblings or cousins. Then again admitting teenage sex play is tough enough in this society — never mind throwing in the taboo of incest — I doubt we’ll have stats anytime soon. Which is too bad given the number of people who’ve admitted to me that their earliest sexual experimentation (if not full-on intercourse) was with friends siblings or cousins. It’s probably more common than we think and maybe if more people knew this there would be less shame surrounding it.
After all it makes sense. You’re not old enough to pick someone up at a bar and you can only experiment so much with Barbie and Ken given their anatomical limitations. So you work with what’s available: friends or family members who are the same age and curious about the same things. Of course there’s a huge difference between mutual "I’ll show you mine if you show me yours" explorations and having someone (family or otherwise) force you into it. That’s just plain rape.
In your case rather than feeling violated and exploited you’re creeped out because you realized later it’s not socially acceptable to do your cousin. However really if you’re not scarred from this as long as you’re not planning a wedding and kids you’re probably OK.
