Stop worrying about measuring up!
Dear Josey
I’m a curious 14-year-old boy with some questions:
1. At my age is it worth getting circumcised?
2. “The bigger the better” right? I have a six-and-a-half [16.5 centimetres] inch penis — is that sufficient or should I look into penis enhancers? Would you recommend that?
3. How can I prolong ejaculation?
4. How is it that the guys in porn flicks have so much come? (They can spray it everywhere!)
Troubled Youth
Dear Troubled
The size of your penis and how much come you have are hardly the biggest concerns when it comes to having a good sex life. And for women with small vaginas — several who have written me — bigger is not better. You’re doing more than fine at just over half a foot so no I wouldn’t recommend penis enhancers. As for prolonging ejaculation once again don’t buy into the myth that women need you to last until they’re chafed and raw. However if you really can’t make it much past the gate a trick I know more than a few guys have told me about is to masturbate before a date where you know you might have sex. This might help you last longer at show time.
There are plenty of women who have no problem with uncircumcised men — some even prefer it — and I’ve always maintained that an uncut penis provides its own built-in lubrication device thanks to the extra skin. It also seems strange to me that guys who won’t even let someone stick a swab up their penis or a finger up their bum to test for diseases are willing to consider letting someone slice a big flap of skin off their penis. If you want my opinion leave it be.
And the guys in the porn flicks don’t have any more come than you but thanks to the magic of video they can make it look like they do. I’m not sure if it’s guys who are obsessed with how much they come that make porn-video makers play this up or vice versa. I guess it’s a bit like how women feel when they see these flawless models in fashion mags. We know it’s not reality but it doesn’t stop us from trying to live up to their example. Frankly I wish we’d all get over it.
Stop worrying about all this superficial stuff. You’d be better off learning how to be a really good attentive affectionate and skilled lover. That’ll get you much further than a 14-inch penis that shoots like a geyser.
Dear Josey
I’m an average looking educated generous and thoughtful 34-year-old guy who is almost never in a relationship. I’d never “paid for it” until I drunkenly ended up with a hooker a few years ago. I felt worthless and sleazy afterward and believed no one could ever love someone who did something like that.
But with increased loneliness I’ve been picking up hookers again. Despite the guilt I try to justify my behaviour with the fact that if I’m not hurting anyone and get much-needed affection out of it well maybe it’s my only alternative.
Still I’m conflicted. Are these indiscretions something a girl could forgive?
Suffering From Guilty Pleasures
Dear Suffering
First of all in my books going to a hooker for sex is not a sin. There is nothing wrong with seeking out comfort and affection.
Sex educator and activist Carol Queen — who has worked as an escort — thinks people are too quick in this culture to demonize clients of prostitutes. “What they are looking for is evidence that men who patronize prostitutes are contemptible” says Queen. “I don’t believe this; I believe that every client every person has the right to seek out sexual pleasure and comfort. I’ve been treated with a good deal more respect by 99 per cent of my clients than by the average guy on the street.”
So stop feeling guilty. Sure some gals might have a hard time with knowing you pay for sex. Women have possibly even more ingrained negative attitudes about sex work than men which might have something to do with that whole slut-whore stigma we’re fed our whole lives. However there are plenty of women out there who have managed to get over this and realize that sex is not dirty even if you pay for it.
If you’re looking for forgiveness see a priest. If you’re looking for someone to love you and accept you for who you are who will not pass judgment on choices you have made in your life then you better start by doing those things for yourself. Guilty and ashamed are usually not on most women’s lists of qualities they’re looking for in a guy.
