Tomb
A second pointless exercise in childish wit
Once again it’s time to jettison all pretense of thoughtful insightful discussion of film and just make fun of movie titles. Please note that the following smartass comments apply only to the film titles and not to the movies themselves.
The Great New Wonderful (2005)
I don’t know what this film’s about but it better be fucking good.
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
“Can I borrow the flying saucer parental unit YYB?”
“Not until you sterilize your stasis pod QX9/G. And do it properly this time don’t just shove all the protons under your hibernation capsule.”
“Don’t treat me like a larva! I hate you! I wish I’d never been cloned!”
P.S. Your Cat is Dead! (2002)
P.P.S. Your car rolled into the swimming pool.
P.P.P.S. I’m having an affair with your best friend.
P.P.P.P.S. Actually the cat and the car are fine. I just wanted to ease you gently into the whole I’m-having-an-affair thing.
House of Flying Daggers (2004)
“I don’t know if we should go in there. Isn’t this the house of flying daggers? I hear a lot of whooshing and a lot of stabbing in there…”
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Formerly known as the House of Flying Daggers. I told you not to go in there!
The Flying Scotsman (2006)
Scotsmen traditionally wear kilts often without any underwear. If there is an airborne Scotsman in the area be careful not to look up.
Little Voice (1998)
“So why do they call you ‘Little Voice’?”
“I’ve been wondering that myself actually.”
The Falcon and the Snowman (1985)
The falcon and the snowman had all kinds of wonderful adventures. Well the falcon did anyway. The snowman mostly just stood there and melted.
Don’t Torture a Duckling (1972)
I wasn’t going to! The thought had genuinely never even occurred to me!
Palindromes (2004)
I’m hoping that the dialogue in this film sounds like this:
“Ah Satan sees Natasha!”
“Naomi I moan!”
“Nurse; I spy gypsies! Run!”
“May a moody baby doom a yam?”
Hi Mom! (1970)
Given the amount of time it makes to complete and distribute a motion picture this seems like a really inefficient way to correspond with your mother. Is she supposed to respond by writing producing and directing a film entitled “ Hello Jeffrey dear. Are you wearing clean underwear? ”
The Return of the King (1980 or 2003)
This title makes me think of a throne with a sign reading “Back in 5 min” hanging from it. Bunch of peasants and petitioners standing around bored rocking on their heels and looking at hourglasses.
The Monkey’s Mask (2000)
“At last! We’ve finally captured the masked villain who hijacked the plane stole the crown jewels and seduced my wife! Now you cad remove that mask and let us see who you really are!”
“Ook ook.”
“Holy shit!”
