The Video Vulture might have mentioned some of this before
When I began writing Video Vulture columns 13 years ago I was determined not to repeat myself. “Each of these movies is only ever going to be mentioned once!” I thought reasoning that everybody was clearly going to read this stuff every single week and also memorize it all. (That’s what you guys do right?…right?) So if I cited say The Shaolin Invincibles (1977) in a column about movie characters with giant weaponized tongues (July 17 1997; “You’re gonna get a lickin’”) then I could not mention the indestructible kung fu gorillas from The Shaolin Invincibles in a subsequent piece about indestructible kung fu gorillas because that would be repeating myself. I was also name-dropping dozens of obscure flicks every week figuring I could keep this pace up indefinitely.
Well now that I’ve come to my senses I’d like to revisit a couple of films that I’ve already written about in the past because darn it sometimes there’s more to say.
• The Lost Room (2006): The reason I’m mentioning this TV miniseries again is because I started watching it again and can’t freaking stop. It’s about a cop who stumbles across some warring secret societies who are trying to find a bunch of magical objects. These aren’t ancient swords and dusty spell book-type items either — just regular humdrum bits and pieces that acquired mystic powers after an inexplicable “event” in 1961. There’s a comb that can stop time for 10 seconds a bus ticket that teleports people to a dusty street in New Mexico and a key that can open any door leading the user to any door-equipped destination they can think of. This latter item traps the cop’s daughter in another dimension and he becomes obsessed with learning enough about the nature of the objects to get her back. This is absolutely gripping stuff well written well acted and it feels surprisingly realistic for a show with so much magic stuff going on. Fans of Lost will eat it up.
• Ms. Stiletto (a.k.a. Isabella duchessa dei diavoli ) (1969): A sexy Alsatian princess from the 1600s vows revenge on an usurping tyrant gets in plenty of swordfights and gets naked a lot. The reason I’m mentioning it here is because every time I write about this freewheeling Italian B movie tons of readers write in trying to find a copy. (Good luck.)
• Boa War is Mad (Not a real movie): This is the title of a wacky Chinese bootleg DVD I once found with a cover made up entirely of random words and images ("The war Happenning In the Space Mangky Humanning"). It’s one of the most ridiculous DVD cases I’ve ever seen. The film within is a completely unrelated direct-to-video yawner called Interceptor Force (1999) but the box itself is a work of folk art.
So why am I writing about it a second time? Because my article on it seems to have vanished from the Internet. Instead when you Google “ Boa War is Mad ” you find a webpage called “KenniesPlex Cinema” into which somebody has copied and pasted a fragment of my now-lost column along with a scanned image of the awesome DVD cover. (My list of crazy movie titles is plastered up there too.) I’d be miffed about the whole thing only the thief nicely lists my name on the site and the “borrowing” has prevented this particular work from evaporating entirely from the Web. Hooray for durability through plagiarism!
• Reptilicus (1961): This here’s the big one folks. Video Vulture’s longest-running gag is the fact that I’ve never quite gotten around to writing a proper review of the Danish monster movie Reptilicus. I’ve come close many many times but have so far always managed to wriggle out of it. Heck I’ve even had friends threaten to break into my apartment and force me to watch it. But honestly I think I’ve teased you all long enough. Here is an excellent opportunity to settle things with the most unfairly neglected movie in my collection. Longtime readers deserve to finally get the lowdown on the previously unknown quantity that is Reptilicus!
But not this week. I’m all out of space. Sorry!
