FFWD REW

Cruisin’ the Cosmos – week of Aug 19 2010

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

Oh swallow your pride already you big pussy! No matter how hard you work you’ll hardly be able to handle the whole thing by yourself. If you’re humble and just ask you’ll have heaps o’ help with your task. Don’t worry it won’t change the hero of the story — there’ll still be the shining sun of a job well done and you’ll still be the one to bask in its glory!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

People who don’t keep their word bug the hell outta you ’cause it’s something you wouldn’t do. No wonder that when you realize you’ve done double-booked yourself you’re wracked with that wacky guilt reaction. Would ya retire it already? You’ve got what it takes to do double-duty and work ’em both so don’t just sit there and feel sorry when there’s still hope for harmony!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

You Venusian kids are some of the most civilized and cultured of the zodiac crew. Due to your high quotient of classy some folks tend to follow you too. Try not to disappoint them or yourself by takin’ a wrong turn this week. Make sure you’ve got the map memorized before you make your move or where they once took your word for granted it’ll have to be proved!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

Holy wow! You’ve got more hotties hoverin’ over you than a casting director at an open audition for a prime-time soap. That’s why you’ll hate to hear there’ll only be hurt on the horizon if you let any of them get near. Besides you’ve got work to do and it don’t include wheelin’ babes. Make sure you don’t mix business with pleasure and that all your work’s done before you make with the leisure!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

If it’s true you’re only tempted by sin when you feel the weight of emptiness within then you won’t have nothin’ to worry your pretty li’l head about this weekend. See the moon’s wingin’ her way into your neck of the woods and peace of mind is but a portion of the goods she’ll be bringin’ so when satan’s beckonin’ you can walk right on by singin’.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

You billy goats sure can be gruff but it’ll only make your own life rough especially during the weekend when you won’t have a clue why your best efforts won’t work. Probably ’cause you’re bein’ a jerk! If you just take the help that’s bein’ offered to you you’ll finally be able to get all the way through.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

You know you’re one of the wackier signs in the zodiac and part of that image comes from your impulsiveness. Normally there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that but it sure can make your wallet thin where it once was fat. This week don’t go wastin’ your well-earned success by not bein’ able to say nothin’ but "yes!"

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

Water takes many forms from clouds of rain to lakes of ice and everything in between. Your sign is symbolized by water and also by fish which live in it. Sometimes you’re a tsunami and sometimes a salmon swimmin’ upstream against the swift current and all the odds. Bad news is that this is gonna be one of those weeks. Good news is that this usually means you’re in for some spawnin’!

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Nobody’s sayin’ you ain’t smart enough strong enough or insane enough to be able to succeed all by your lonesome. Someone’s only offerin’ you some help so set aside your silly insecurity and don’t take it personally. Just take it. You could get more than you’d bargained for!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

You’re a stubborn sonuvagun and no more so than when The Man’s tryin’ to squish you under his thumb. You may have a sharp set o’ horns that’d be good to gore the ogre with but what you really need is a strategy and luckily it’s your specialty: the wait-and-see. Sooner or later he’ll have to lift that opposable digit to give himself the thumbs up and that’s when you’re gonna stick it to him!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

This week when people bug you about bein’ lazy just ignore the ignoramuses and don’t let them faze thee. There ain’t anythin’ you can do while suspended in the jelly salad of justice like a mini-marshmallow and it don’t matter if you’re in the deep end or the shallow — you’re still stuck there until things cool down.

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

’Cause you frequently appear as calm cool and collected as a serene mountain lake people have a hard time conceiving you could come crashing down like a tidal wave in a hurricane. Boy could they be in for a surprise this weekend! Just remember that blowin’ with the force of a gale wind’ll put you on a course doomed to failin’ ’cause with gusts like that you can’t control where you’re sailin’!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com.

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