VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
It’s all fine and dandy to be a critic but actually creatin’ somethin’ and doin’ it right is a lot harder than you think ain’t it? Well don’t you worry. Your sign has just finished hosting the new moon and as far as creation goes that baby’s a boon! Pour everything you’ve got into your brand new conception and you’ll get critical acclaim not just honourable mention.
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)
This week you’ll have to work with a couple of cats who can’t walk into a room without startin’ a spat. On one hand you’ll have a recalcitrant reactionary and the other a ridiculous radical. Remind them that between the left and the right is a whole body and no matter which way they’re pointin’ the only way forward is straight ahead.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
You Scorps are a sensitive bunch and no more so than when you’re top banana. Whether you worry about makin’ the right choice for you or those you lead it’s problems like these you just don’t need. No really. Fuggedaboudit! This weekend the moon’ll be singin’ your song so there ain’t no way your decision’ll be wrong.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
Look at the universe this week like you’re some kinda party crasher. Somebody left the back door open a little too long and you just snuck in for some wine wo/men and song. And since sooner or later someone’s gonna clue in that you don’t quite belong you best grab a few cans from the fridge fill up your pockets and take a big hit from the bong!
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
A cosmic coinkydink will confer more power than you thought possible to your crusade and if you choose to use it you’ll have it made. By the way while you’re out there demon slayin’ remember the old saying: Fight not monsters lest ye become a monster yourself. You can argue and debate but just don’t hate or when you look in the mirror you’ll start to see what you fear!
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
Your success may be sweet but you’re not on easy street. No you’re far from that quaint cobblestone boulevard and still on the narrow pothole-ridden two-way avenue where you have to deal with drivers who are a lot worse than you. There’s always a chance one of those morons could cut you off or worse so keep your peepers peeled ’cause repairs’ll come out of your purse!
PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
Just ’cause you gave somebody a beatdown don’t mean you wear the bad ass crown. Havin’ humilty’ll save you from humiliation and also attempts at your assassination ’cause actin’ like the meanest mutha in the west’ll only bring out challengers who’ll put you to the test. Just ask Billy the Kid. Oh wait you can’t. He got shot when he was just 22.
ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
A quintessential Aries trait is fiery impulsiveness and usually that’s great. Not when it comes to wealth though which this weekend you’re eager to blow. Don’t. You may not be the kind to have regrets but try to tell that to yourself while you’re sittin’ on your milk crate easy chair and chowin’ down on your daily diet of ramen noodles and soda crackers the rest of the week.
TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
As much as you love lazin’ around this inactivity is gettin’ you down. Sure passin’ time in the pasture is nice but you’re startin’ to realize why sloth is a vice. What you really want ain’t gonna be found ’til you put on the plow and start furrowing the ground!
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
Well here’s your much needed pep talk. When things are bad (and we’re talkin’ Leonidas peepin’ the approachin’ Persians here) remember the first three letters of your sign spell gem which is what you are. No matter how rough things seem right now soon you’ll be smoothly polished and highly prized plus the fact you’re precious’ll be widely recognized!
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
When you were a kid and the whole world went to crap you could just crawl into your room and pull the covers over your head to diminish your feelings of doom and dread. Some folks think that’s childish but it ain’t necessarily somethin’ to be ashamed of now. Superman had his Fortress of Solitude so why shouldn’t you? Head there this week and discover what’s really true!
LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
You may be a take charge kinda kitty cat but sometimes that ain’t where it’s at. In fact some folks suggest that it’s best to leave a problem alone ’cause it’ll either solve itself or a better answer’ll be shown. Now that may not give you much to rely on but what are you a cowardly lion? It’ll all work out so just keep your cool and don’t be too hasty or you’ll look like a fool!
You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com
