‘They probably have policies against saying some of the things that I say in this office’
So you’re leaving Fast Forward Weekly what are you going to be doing?
I’ll be freelancing at Swerve dare I name it covering largely the same things for the Going Out section. So that’s arts theatre and music.
How are you preparing yourself to work for a corporation?
Well I’m building up my tolerance level for bureaucracy and I’m getting ready to keep my mouth shut a little more often. They probably have policies against saying some of the things that I say in this office.
Are you taking your blowup doll Betsy with you to the Herald?
Um I don’t think I’m allowed to bring her into the building. It’s a real shame. I’ll be lost without her.
Are you taking your fruit-fly-ridden garbage can and your porn with you?
No I will leave my fruit flies as my legacy at Fast Forward . And the fine little cutout of the topless women — I’m not really sure where that came from — perhaps I’ll bring that with me and put it up on my computer screen.
Have you always had a messy desk?
Yes. A wise woman once told me that she didn’t trust journalists with clean desks so I figured I would maintain that strategy.
What was your first paying job in life beyond sidewalk shovelling or babysitting?
My first real job was as a busboy at Cannery Row when I was 14.
What would you like to have as your last job?
I think ideally that would be a very well paid and well respected freelance writer with no bosses.
What’s wrong with bosses?
There’s nothing wrong with bosses Carol.
What was your favourite performative art encounter?
That would be Lambstein. That’s been an ongoing joke between Mark (Teo) the music and film editor and I. It was a performance art piece this year at the Mountain Standard Time festival that fell into that preconceived notion of what performance art is or could be. We just kind of joke about that.
So that would be Mark the editor who you are frequently losing to among your inter-office games of Scrabble.
That’s true but I’m beating him right now.
He’s just letting you win because you’re leaving this week.
Well that’s awfully nice of him then.
I understand that you once starred as a cross-dresser in Avenue magazine.
It’s true. It was shortly after I got this job and I went to the Grave Gala which was the Calgary Opera’s annual fundraiser a big Halloween party and I dressed as a French maid in a nice short skirt fishnet stockings and the whole nine yards. And unbeknownst to me someone at Avenue snagged a shot of me while I was waiting for my friend outside of the bathroom drinking a beer. And then I saw myself later on the magazine’s social page.
Did you shave your legs for it?
I didn’t but I wore sneakers.
What’s your favourite story that you’ve written at Fast Forward ?
I think it was probably one about this guy who… there was this performance going on at a theatre and it was a real life story about this man Cal Cavendish who was upset with his unsuccessful music career and he buzzed Ninth Avenue in downtown Calgary in his little Cessna and he dumped loads of animal poo and records along the street. And they did a play on him called Buzz Job and I think that was my favourite story.
You’re a longtime patron at the Ship & Anchor. How many hours would you say that you spend there in a year?
Oh man you’re making me do math? I’m a journalist. Ahhh let’s say mmmmm four hours a week on average so 52 weeks. Where is my calculator? OK 52 weeks times say six hours just to be on the safe side. Let’s say 312 hours a year.
Nice. That’s longer than what you work here.
A man has to have his priorities.
OK I’m going to let you have the last word.
So I can say whatever I want?
Yes this one and only time.
Well it’s been great working at Fast Forward and I’m actually kind of sad to be leaving this place. This is where I got my beginning not only freelancing but also my first real journalism job. It’s been fantastic working here and I’m a little sad to go but also excited about what’s coming next.
