TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
The moon’s makin’ a visit to your sign on Monday givin’ you gazoodles of energy. Use that fire to follow your heart wherever it leads you. It’s not like it knows where it’s goin’ but dang it its luck has to be better than yours has been lately.
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
It’s a tough shot to take but at least it looks like there’s a way to get you out from behind the eight ball. Lady luna’s layin’ some luck on you late in the week so grab that cue and chalk it up while you have the best chance at makin’ a bank shot and keepin’ the white ball outta the pocket.
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
For someone so affected by the actions of those around them you’re not really thinkin’ about yours. Shootin’ off your sidearm in celebration has been done many times before but if your bullets hit someone else you’re sure to start a war!
LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
As any gunslinger worth their salt’ll say it’s not always a treat bein’ the top o’ the heap. Every time you turn around some whippersnapper’s about to draw on you. It ain’t good enough to be a rootin’ tootin’ sharp-shootin’ deadeye though. You’ve gotta have your firearm out first or you better expect the worst.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
Nobody’s harder on themselves than a Virgo but even you have to admit you’re a cutie in your own way. Using that li’l bit o’ lucky charm this week will not only get you what you want but also a couple of things you didn’t even know you wanted until you got ’em.
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)
You finished what you set out to do and did a damn good job too! So good that instead of you takin’ care of your work it can take care of you for now. So why do you feel like such a sorry ass this weekend? It’s just a li’l cosmic interference causin’ your confusion. There’s no need to freak it should start clearin’ up next week.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
To the victor go the spoils and rapin’ ’n’ pillagin’ is one way to kill both birds with one stone. Especially if you’re a screamin’ psychotic with no sense of conscience. Sorry to bring this up right now but you do have a conscience don’t you?
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
No matter how crappy things get next week you can’t quit. Oh you’ll be tempted to but even when it seems like there’s nothin’ further you can do don’t let it get the best of you. You’re like Gloria Gaynor baby — you will survive! Hell stick with it and you’ll positively thrive!
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
You could inconveniently cook up a convoluted conspiracy to conquer your contemporaries but you’re likely to discover all you required was kindness. While it’s clear you catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar you should consider the fact it works with people too!
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
Just because your mind moves faster than the material world doesn’t mean it won’t catch up to your mentations. Don’t throw in the towel thinkin’ it’s no use since you shoulda won by now. Stick around for the long haul and you’ll be royalty at the player’s ball!
PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
What’s simply a friendship now could soon become more but it’ll take a lotta hard work and a big bag of dirty tricks on your part if you really wanna score. Actually those’ll get you into just about anyone’s bed. Just ask a politician!
ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
Hide this horoscope from the rest of the signs will ya? If they see it they’ll just get jealous. See you’re gonna have great gobs of good fortune fly your way by Saturday as the moon and five planets all play in your park. What can you say? It’s just a matter of bein’ the right place at the right sign.
You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com
