FFWD REW

‘Leave the DJ alone’

Mollyfi on how to stay in the DJ’s good books

We’ve all been there. Maybe it was a week-long is-it-or-isn’t-it-ironic obsession with Pitbull’s “Hotel Room Service.” Perhaps it was a visiting cousin — the type you’re obligated to bring out if you’re within five years of age — who just really needs to hear Steve fucking Miller Band. Now. Or maybe it was you after earning wings of confidence following a pre-drinking bout of YouTube DJing.

Either way it’s likely we’ve all pissed off a DJ or eleven whether we’re cognizant of it or not. So we caught up with 12-year Calgary-scene vet DJ Mollyfi who has been spinning breaks house and Baltimore Club at Sapien Habitat the old Warehouse and countless other clubs.

OK we loathe etiquette guides as much as anyone. But these rudimentary bits of advice feel nothing if humane. Especially this one: “Leave the DJ alone.” We’ll spell that out a little more clearly. Honestly these tips will do you and your cousin some good.

1. No requests. Listen I’m the music editor at Fast Forward Weekly and I get as many insatiable must-hear-now cravings as anyone. But a DJ isn’t your iPod. Nor is she a wedding singer someone who’s paid to appease each and every whim of each and every client. And no she doesn’t carry Hank Williams Jr. when spinning at gay bars.

“If you’re playing at a Top 40 club like The Whiskey then requests are common” says Mollyfi. “But when you’re a club DJ who plays electronic music I hate getting requests.”

Like what? “‘Uhhh do you have any Britney Spears? Or Lady Gaga?’ People request that all the time. I don’t have that garbage!” she says with a slight sneer. Then she laughs. “Or people say ‘Do you have that song that goes womp womp doot doot womp.’ ‘No what song is that?’ No requests. That’s the main thing.”

2. DJs: Not your dealer. Listen we’re not stupid enough to deny that people want are on or are having their nights enhanced by drugs. Just don’t go over to the booth if you’re looking. “I have so many people who come up and are like ‘Do you know where I can score?’” Mollyfi laughs. “I feel like people affiliate DJs with drugs. It’s like ‘Oh you’re the DJ you must know where to get blow.’ I kind of laugh at them. Do I look like I’m doing drugs behind the DJ booth?”

Fair point. So go find that Jenkem (or in colloquial terms “butt hash”) somewhere else.

3. We are (not) your friends. So stop trying to pretend it. And that means that you probably shouldn’t try to hang out in the DJ booth for an extended period of time.

“It’s a lot of chicks that are loaded” she says. “Maybe it’s because I’m a girl they think that because I’m a girl and they’re a girl they have that right. But a lot of the time they’re drunk they’re jumping around and they’ll hit your turntable or laptop and cause a disturbance in the set.”

“Maybe” she continues “they wouldn’t do that if a dude was playing maybe they’d leave him alone.”

Ruh-oh. So has she had to go all vigilante? “Oh my God all the time. It comes with the territory. You gotta be excited because they’re excited for you but they don’t realize that every time they jump they might screw something up.”

4. Stop talking. A DJ likely can’t hear you. “It’s so annoying. It’s like I’m in the middle of a mix and they try talking to you” she says. “I’m in the middle of something! Like fuck you I don’t really care right now.”

It happens more than you’d imagine. She says people try to yell at her across the dancefloor — and these might be people lauding her work but she doesn’t know. “I don’t have a clue because I can’t hear them.”

Sure it’s fine to appreciate the music. Even vocalize it. But if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? No. So stop trying to chat up the DJ. And she adds a second time: “Leave the DJ alone.”

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