FFWD REW

Reel Talk: Who’d try to compete with Harry Potter?

Answer: Plenty of flicks. The summer wannabe blockbusters keep on rolling in

When I sat down to write Reeltalk this week I assumed I’d be writing about how nothing big was opening this weekend because the studios were going to do the logical thing and let Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 breathe a little bit. That would have made sense seeing as it’s officially the highest grossing part eight of any movie franchise ever (it also technically had the highest grossing opening weekend of any movie in history but let’s stick with what’s impressive here) and you probably wouldn’t want your movie to go up against it only one week after it opened.

That’s what would have happened in a normal summer. Each studio would have launched one or two massive movies and hoped they caught on and could be turned into franchises that would gradually gain commercial momentum and then explode for the always financially lucrative eighth installment. It happens all the time.

But this summer? This summer it just never fucking stops. This summer some studio decides it’s a good idea to release Captain America: The First Avenger and make sure that all us underpaid underemployed schmucks start thinking how maybe this movie might be the one we tell our kids about lining up for.

As much as I want to bitch about how much I need a break I can’t. Even I’m willing to admit that we’ve probably had enough comic book movies for one summer but at the same time….Chris Evans as captain America? Hugo Weaving playing another nerdtastic bad guy? That’s giving me a seriously geeky boner right there.

And I’m sure I should focus on Evans here seeing as he’s the latest in a long line of wise cracking male sexpots being given their “possible entry into the realm of real movie star” moments this summer—Ryan Reynolds it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for coming out James McAvoy see you in British period peace hell you talented jackass—but maybe it’s time we all start acknowledging that Hugo Weaving is the goddamned man when it comes to guaranteeing your movie’s a mega hit.

Seriously has anyone had a better 15 years than this guy? I know Mark Zuckerberg’s done alright for himself financially but nobody’s making movies about how big a dick Weaving is to his buddies. Instead Weaving’s just guaranteeing bank. Agent Smith in The Matrix Elrond in Lord of the Rings the voice of Megatron in Transformers. Those are three of the biggest trilogies of all time and he’s been a part of all of them. If I ran a Hollywood studio I’d chain him up in a dungeon somewhere and make him read scripts. If he’s interested it’s getting made.

And yet Weaving isn’t a movie star. Proving that there’s no justice in the world. If Captain America’s a hit Evans probably joins the Ocean’s 11 or the Hangoverers or some other movie star crap. Weaving just keeps on doing whatever surprisingly-Nigerian character actors do in their free time.

You know who else probably gets to be a movie star instead of Weaving? Justin damn Timberlake. Now I’ve been on JT’s side since he busted out that beatboxing in Dirty Pop and you could just tell Chris Kirpatrick thought it was the best thing he’d ever damn seen but it’s taken some people some time. That time is up get over your jealousy and acknowledge that JT is just better than you. At everything.

Friends with Benefits doesn’t look particularly good especially as No Strings Attached was pretty much the exact same movie and was only released a couple months ago. All four movies star actors I’d love to watch have sex together but Friends with Benefits looks that much more charming. And that comes down to Timberlake. Yes Mila Kunis is gorgeous and funny and totally made the right decision picking Hyde over Kelso but Timberlake’s the one who has earned our trust. Between getting punked and Sexy Back and all his SNL skits he’s shown that he doesn’t take himself to seriously but could also steal your girlfriend and probably your boyfriend too. He should do a movie with Hugo Weaving.

Elsewhere you’ve probably seen Harry Potter and you probably loved it so there’s not much for Reeltalk to add to that. Transformers is still around but you probably a) have seen it and hated it or b) have a soul.

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