LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
OK boss. Now’s the time to keep your fingers stuck to your six-shooter and your back against the wall since you’ll have all sorts of opponents over this one. Let ’em eat lead ’cause if you compromise you’ll wind up dead. And that’ll really screw up your plans.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
Like a life-long prisoner who’s finally been set free after knowing no life but that of incarceration you have to relearn how to walk without a ball and chain holdin’ you down. Although you’re happy your sentence is served and your debt to society is paid it kinda sucks to have to keep food on your own table and a roof over your head. But damn it at least they’re yours and not The Man’s!
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)
Listen no matter how hard it gets there’s always hope to be found in love. Not the love that you keep lookin’ for from other folks but the love they bring out of you. It’s always there. They just trigger it. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have your finger on the trigger instead?
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
If you enter the fray the only way you will survive and thrive is if you love the smell of napalm in the morning. Mars (which the ancients believed was the ruler of your sign by the way) shines only upon those who lose all sense of who they are and become the battle. Now get out there and go berserk! Yaaaay team!
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
Next week’ll be a blast as you take aim with your arrows at the crap in the world that you think should die. Stir things up and make people think about their ideas. If your aim is good enough you may even kill one or two bad ones. Like any forest ranger’ll know a controlled burn only leaves room for more to grow.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
There’s nothin’ wrong with succumbing to temptation unless you’re one o’ them uptight fundamentalist religion-types (then you’re pretty much screwed). It’s all good as long as you don’t break any of your promises to anyone — most importantly yourself. Otherwise it’ll probably be the most productive thing you do all month!
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
C’mon who are you kiddin’? You’re the biggest humanitarian of all the signs. You love people so how can you play dirty while pursuin’ your purpose? That’ll only disappoint you more than if you never made it to the pinnacle in the end. What good is anything without a friend?
PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
Everybody loves a dreamer. Especially the bill collector. Dreamers tend to spend what they don’t have. See the dreamer spend. Spend! Spend! Spend! That’s when the bill collector gets to go to work. See the bill collector sue. Sue! Sue! Sue! Then the dreamer’s cheques start to shrink. Shrink! Shrink! Shrink! Do you want to be the bill collector’s friend that badly?
ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
Oh yeah sure you can start it but there’s no way you’re gonna finish it alone. You need at least three people to help you on this one. Someone who thinks only of work until the point they’re almost boring (i.e. tech geek) a guard dog who’ll fend off all attackers (i.e. thug/lawyer) and someone objective to analyze your vision (i.e. anyone but a “yes” man).
TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
There’s nothin’ you bulls love more than a regular routine. Nothin’. That’s why love makes you so grumpy — it forces you to hoe a different row than just your own. Well lighten up you broodin’ bovine. It only means you’ll have twice as much to harvest in the end. Isn’t that good enough reason to have and be a friend?
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
Don’t expect much to get done in the next couple of weeks seein’ as Mercury’s still retrograde for a month. That’s when a planet appears to stop and then go backwards from our point of view here on Earth. So will things in your life at least until the 26th when it goes direct. This may interfere with some of your dreams but it don’t mean the end of ’em. Think of it more like they’re waiting for you to catch up.
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
If you wonder why the Cancer sign looks like a 69 it’s because out of all of the zany Zodiac you understand what it’s about: takin’ care of each other at the same time. That’s why when there hasn’t been reciprocation folks do a slow burn with frustration. Notice any tension in your situation?
You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com
