LMFAO’s junior high sex music

Berry Gordy an 82 year old man from Detroit is a legendary record producer responsible for signing the likes of The Jackson 5 The Supremes Marvin Gaye Stevie Wonder The Commodores and countless others to the famed Motown imprint. His mark on the music world is one of hard work and a keen eye for out-of-this-world talent. Had he died in the last five years his name would have gone untarnished as one of immense class.

Now the Gordy legacy has been figuratively drugged up and date raped by Berry’s son and grandson Stefan “Redfoo” Gordy and Skyler “SkyBlu” Gordy. It’s easy to imagine how they must have conceived their group LMFAO (Internet slang for "laughing my fucking ass off") killing a hangover in a luxurious pool somewhere like a scene out of Billy Madison .

When LMFAO started it was clear that they were a joke a tongue-in-cheek reference to the sexual excess and over-the-top drunkenness of club culture falling somewhere between Andrew WK and 2 Live Crew. Their music was and is the logical if horrendous conclusion to the narrative started by raves continued with Daft Punk and made even hipper on blogs in the mid 2000s with Justice Uffie and Spank Rock.

With recent hits like “Party Rock Anthem” and “Sexy and I Know It” however the joke has gone too far. These songs are no longer for ironic dorm room listening. Instead as evidenced at the Saddledome on Tuesday February 7 this is junior high sex music.

Little kids ranging from about 6 to 16 were clad in leopard print and neon while older meathead jocks wrapped similarly bright clothing around their fist-pumping biceps. Everywhere I looked there was a pair of freakish glasses or neon.

Despite being healthy enough to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show SkyBlu was apparently still suffering from a “slipped disc” (I wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually a deviated septum or rehab for a potential Red Bull and vodka addiction) so it was only Redfoo leading the night. It’s telling that half of the band can not show up and no one knows the difference. The stage presence was compensated by freaky dancers who were mostly male and female strippers that did the occasional backflip between ass shakes.

If you only know their hits you might be surprised that LMFAO can round out a full 90 minute set but they have about 30 songs in their repertoire all boasting a trashy Euro club beat and some variation of the term “party rock.” One song had a chorus that just repeated the words “shots shots shots” over and over again while another heartfeltly sung “I’m gonna make you wet / I’m gonna make you sweat.” Then there was the appropriation of 2 Live Crew’s “face down ass up” lyrics with “that’s the way we like to fuck” censored to “that’s the way we like to uhhhhh.” The boastful stupidity would almost be charming if it weren’t for the depressing legions of young children and their idiot parents singing these anthems together.

In fact the LMFAO crowd was best exemplified in a group of young poor teenagers across the aisle from us. A girl in her early teens clearly plastered on smuggled liquor could barely stand but was trying her very hardest to dance along. Her boyfriend unimpressed with her skimpy shirt and obvious intoxication was trying to tell her to chill out a little to which she would yell “Fuck you! You clearly don’t give a fuck about me!” The teen fight devolved to the point where she was crying telling him to go away. Tears streaming down her face she still had her hands up as the struggled to sing along and dance through the heartache.

Crying girl’s friend was a husky young lady who clearly got whatever she wanted from everyone. She begged us to trade seats so her friends from the nosebleed section could sit by her and she was pissed when we declined. That didn’t stop her from partying to her over-worked heart’s content grinding up on strangers and stealing people’s hats.

Her craving for attention reached its peak when she came back to our section grabbing my friend Andrew and forcing him to dance. He ducked out and she wrapped her bear-like hands around my neck. Forcing me into an awkward 15 seconds of dancing with the strength of a portly young football player I finally freed myself from her cruel grip. Embarrassed she went back to her section leaving behind the stench of nauseating dollar store perfume.

Concluding the night with “Sexy and I Know It” Redfoo and his male dancers ripped off their tights to reveal shiny undergarments where they shook their junk to the screams of too-young girls. Alternating between laughter amazement and a crippling sadness we left the concert perplexed by the world we live in.

A dumb joke gone as far as they can possibly take it LMFAO’s live set was an unintentional commentary on the state of humanity in 2012. The music industry felt as dead as it’s ever been and we couldn’t help but worry about these young girls being coaxed into mindless promiscuity and alcoholism. As I went to sleep that night I saw a bleak near-future with a handful of tombstones that read “Sorry for Party Rocking.”