Goings on – week of May 3 2012

Toronto indie band Great Bloomers will return to play the Gateway on Thursday May 3 after recently Cancon-ing it up with Yukon Blonde and Library Voices. The word “bloomers” often refers to that old-timey ladies underwear so whenever I hear this band name I imagine someone is complimenting a grandma on her panties. I don’t know if they did this on purpose but that shit makes me feel weird inside.

I don’t know if they’ll be wearing bloomers or not but that same night local metal ladies Mares of Thrace will hit Broken City to celebrate the release of their skull-crushing new album The Pilgrimage . You should definitely go but don’t be that annoying person who can’t believe there’s such a thing as a “chick drummer.”

Keep abusing your eardrums into the weekend as giant metal acts Mastodon and Opeth will join forces for an appearance at MacEwan Hall on Friday May 4. Mark my words it’ll be one of those shows where everyone buys T-shirts and then puts them on over their regular clothes before hitting the mosh pit because ruining a brand new shirt is apparently more metal than hitting up the merch table on your way out.

Then on Saturday May 5 everyone can give a sigh of relief with the folky folk rock of the friendly folks in The Mountaineer who will hit the HiFi Club alongside Tough Lovers . It’s a far cry from the club’s typical dance-oriented programming but it’ll probably go down nice and easy.

One thing that won’t be easy to enjoy will be the return of cheeseball radio-rock goofs Big Wreck who will hit Flames Central that same night. Despite the fact that the Calgary Flames are out of the playoffs this Stephen Avenue bar has found something even more irrelevant to attach itself to. Sure all of us had Big Shiny Tunes CDs at one point or another but that was before the Internet taught us how to have taste. Don’t go to this you’ll only encourage them.

Going to church on a Monday might not be your thing but May 7 will see a performance from hushed indie pop group Great Lake Swimmers alongside Cold Specks at the Central United Church. Sure you might also fall asleep in this church service but it’ll be due to the sweetly sung softly played melodies.

On Tuesday May 8 you may want to hit up the Jack Singer for an appearance from Illinois legend John Prine . With a decades-deep career and countless albums dude definitely knows his way around a country-tinged folk song.

Then on Wednesday May 9 guitar shop employees will be faced with a stressful scheduling conflict. Is it better to go see blues legend B.B. King at the Century Casino or catch the spandex-laden shreddery of Van Halen at the Saddledome? Look for a lot of bewildered men with bad ponytails as they try to make the right choice.