FFWD REW

Straight from the puppet’s mouth

Talking dirty with the “cast” of Avenue Q

A venue Q ain’t your average puppet show. A decidedly adult spin on Sesame Street this Tony-winning Broadway musical packs in plenty of sex provocative jokes and all the questions 20-somethings face when they realize life sucks and it’s hard. And with such catchy musical numbers as “What do you do with a BA in English?” and “Everyone’s a little bit racist” what’s not to love?

Prepping for their show at Storybook Theatre (of all places) a few of the puppets of Avenue Q were kind enough to grant Fast Forward Weekly an uncensored interview: Princeton a recent grad searching for meaning in life; his girlfriend Kate Monster a straightlaced schoolteacher assistant; their neighbour Rod a closeted gay Republican banker; and Trekkie Monster — just think of him as Cookie Monster’s endearingly creepy porn-addicted brother.

Kate Monster what’s it like being a monster in America these days?

Kate Monster: It does get difficult sometimes. There is a prejudice against monsters. But I believe that some of the most productive members of our society are monsters. We do tend to get defined as lazy.

What’s your purpose in life Kate?

One day I would like to open up a school just for monsters. It will be called the Monsterssori school. And I just think it would be great to have a place where monsters can grow together and become part of a community.

What about you Trekkie Monster do you have a purpose in life?

Trekkie: Yeah me have only one purpose — me could break down into one sentence: to see all the porn.

All the porn. Everywhere? Just on the Internet?

All of the porn. From all of the nations across the world. Me do not discriminate. Me particularly fond of the work of the Germans.

Do you have a preference between monster and human porn?

Wha?! No! Me take it any way shape or form! As long as you put it on Internet and me don’t have to leave apartment me can do what it is that I do within the confines of my own personal space fuckin’ eh.

Kate: Trekkie she doesn’t need to hear that. That’s too much information —

Trekkie: What? The lady ask for straightforward answer me give straightforward answer.

It’s okay you can be as straightforward as you want with me.

Trekkie: Me like her already. You can come back to my apartment.

Uh that would be beyond my professional code of conduct as a journalist. What about you Rod? Just because we’re on the topic already… is there anything you fantasize about?

Rod: Well if this will stay just between us… my roommate Nicky. [Sighs.] He’s got such a great body…. But I’m not a homo-whatever.

Right. Now not that you are gay — but theoretically speaking what do you think it would be like to be a Republican Wall Street banker and gay? Not that you are.

Hahaha. Of course I’m not! But I imagine it would be difficult for someone who might be… like that. Not me!

Trekkie: He likes dudes.

Kate: Trekkie!

Trekkie: What? Me thought everyone knew! Oh. Me sorry.

Princeton since you’re looking for your purpose do you have any advice for others who are looking for their purpose in life?

Princeton: I guess the only thing I can say is no matter what kind of problems or prejudices or anything going on in your life it’s only for now. It’ll get better. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but someday. Everything is just for now.

What about if you’re say an underemployed underpaid journalist?

It’s only for now! Look at you — you’re interviewing puppets! How could it get any better than that?

Trekkie: That is the pinnacle.

Kate: And you’re still so young!

Trekkie: Yes look at you that complexion… ah…

Kate: Trekkie don’t touch her!

Yeah. Professional boundaries please.

Trekkie: Ah right we talked about that.

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