FFWD REW

Second helping of fish ’n’ tits

Piranha 3DD is a movie that exists

Huh. You seem to be reading a review of the movie Piranha 3DD . Are you doing this on purpose?

Perhaps you secretly want to watch this flick and are on this page searching for a valid excuse to do so. All right I’ll try to help you with that. (C’mon John you can do this…).

How about this? It’s an amazing conversation starter. By now many people have heard that the ludicrous nudity-filled 3D remake of Piranha now has an equally ludicrous sequel but most of your smarter friends probably won’t see it. When you tell them that you actually went to a theatre paid for a ticket put on some polarized glasses and watched Piranha 3DD they will be surprised. Stunned even. A hush will descend on the room all eyes will be on you and you will be asked to elaborate on what you saw. And then you’ll realize that talking about this stupid movie is actually quite fun. Certainly more fun than watching it but that’s kind of fun too. (A bit.)

So the killer mutant fish from Piranha 3D (2010) are back and this time they attack a water park. Yep they’ve learned to swim through plumbing so now even swimming pools tubs and water slides aren’t safe. The film even goes to the trouble of having Christopher Lloyd’s mad scientist character give a plausible-enough-for-a-stupid-movie explanation of why the deadly critters are now attracted to chlorinated water. See? Now it’s totally believable!

Ah Christopher Lloyd. Let’s take a moment here to appreciate how awesome this guy is. It’s an absolute treat to see ol’ Chris truly dish out the frothing insanity like he does here. Look at his eyes when he’s trying to tease his pet lab piranha into breaking down a steel plate or when he triumphantly announces that his viral video has more hits than “the laughing diarrhea baby.” Stupid movies like this give talented actors like Lloyd a chance to really let loose and go crazy.

This particular stupid movie also gives David Hasselhoff another chance to prove that he’s got a sense of humour about himself. The Hoff considers the state of his career sighs deeply and says “So this is it; rock bottom.” He’s talking about the chintzy water park he’s supposed to be opening but we know that he’s really talking about Piranha 3DD .

Oh yeah and Ving Rhames is back only now one of his legs is a shotgun.

This flick is for the most part less brutal less bloody less sexy and less outrageous than its predecessor but it’s also a bit more palatable. Instead of trying to top the excesses of the 2010 film Piranha 3DD tones things down a bit (except for the baby piranha who hitches a ride inside the body of a sexy skinny-dipper reappearing later during an… er… intimate moment) and the result is less exhausting to watch. It may be a lousy movie but you’ll catch yourself smiling about it afterwards.

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