FFWD REW

High Five – week of Aug 23 2012

Due to the fact that Josiah Hughes fell off his bike and fractured his elbow he enlisted the talented snark of Fast Forward Weekly contributor Devin Friesen for this week’s High Five.

I. PAUL RYAN

Republican vice-presidential nominee and overall terrible person Paul Ryan has repeatedly expressed his admiration for the music of Rage Against the Machine often citing the group as his favourite band. Before I point out the brutal irony involved in Ryan’s citing Rage Against the Machine as his favourite band process that statement for a second: maybe Ryan just really figured “fuck you I won’t do what you tell me”? RATM guitarist Tom Morello was reportedly amused by Ryan’s endorsement writing an op-ed that skewers the politician for completely missing the point of his band. Ryan unfazed continued to rock hardily in his basement while setting up the Che Guevara pool table.

II. MEGADETH

In other American crazytown news Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine had some controversial remarks about the possibility of president Obama having planned the recent shootings in Aurora Colo. and Oak Creek Wis. Mustaine was quoted from a recent concert in Singapore as saying “back in my country my president is trying to pass a gun band… so he’s staging all of these murders.” Mustaine was relatively quick to refine his conspiracy theory after being appropriately mocked on the Internet and is probably now back to blaming everything on Metallica again.

III. JOE STRUMMER

In celebration of what would have been Joe Strummer’s 60th birthday Hellcat Records has digitally reissued the full body of Strummer’s work with the Mescaleros. The Hellcat Years collects Rock Art and the X-Ray Style Global a Go-Go and Streetcore plus a smattering of B-sides demos live recordings and other rarities. Physical editions of each album are slated for September and Strummer fans are now excited to purchase these albums for a second (or potentially third) time.

IV. MATURE THEMES

Aaron Sperske former drummer of Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti has filed a $1 million lawsuit against the band. Sperske claims he was recently “squeezed out” of an oral partnership and is claiming 25 per cent ownership of the songwriting credits (and by proxy royalties) on the band’s newest album Mature Themes . Combined with the album’s deftly mature lyrics about testicle bombs I sense an upcoming nugget of YouTube gold when all this hits daytime cable on Judge Joe Brown or something.

V. CHAVRIL

Well we all knew sk8er bois just wouldn’t cut it forever. After a six-month courtship Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger have announced their engagement. Thankfully the world is supposed to end this December so we’ll only have to listen the inevitable Lavigne/Nickelback collaboration that’ll be stinking up the airwaves for a few months before this horrible reality we’ve crafted for ourselves comes to a much-deserved end. Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley was reportedly seen with his face buried into the shoulder of Treble Charger’s Greig Nori gently sobbing.

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