Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters on the other hand….
We’ve entered the time where everyone nerds out about their top films of the last few months passionately arguing about which Harvey Weinstein production will be deemed the best film of the year by the Academy. While many suffer through Lincoln ’s seemingly endless boardroom scenes unpack the torture rhetoric from Zero Dark Thirty (or stomach a Mark Duplass cameo) and count N-words in Django Unchained however there’s something much more exciting going on in Hollywood.
I might be alone in this but I welcome the return of brainless imbecilic sketch comedy movies with open arms. Sure the fart gags and dick jokes have come aplenty in whatever recent atrocity the Wayans brothers have put their names on and I’m the kind of person who’s drawn to films that are described as “juvenile” and “sophomoric” but there hasn’t been a movie both dumb and more importantly watchable as Movie 43 for a long time.
For some reason this movie looks like it could be the idiotic laugh fest I’ve been waiting for. Applying the V/H/S approach to a comedy the flick sees directors like Elizabeth Banks Peter Farrelly Brett Ratner (eww) and Bob Odenkirk (yeah!) each directing a short film. How they’re connected is especially dumb as the film’s official write-up says it “follows three kids as they search the depths of the Internet to find the most banned movie in the world.”
Also helping Movie 43 ’s chances is its cast which is comprised of big names like Emma Stone Hugh Jackman Naomi Watts Chloë Grace Moretz and the list goes on. As Funny or Die has proved watching stars make asses of themselves is usually pretty fun regardless of the quality of their screenplays. One of the IMDb comments for Movie 43 is titled “It’s a DISGUSTING movie!” so I’m thinking this might be the perfect kind of stupid.
Then there’s just stupid stupid as evidenced by the existence of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters . In my opinion Hansel and Gretel is one of the most boring fairy tales. Just the thought of them leaving a trail of crumbs to get home is enough to drive me into frustrated stress sweats. Birds are gonna eat that shit you guys! (According to Wikipedia an alternate version of the story sees the brother and sister leaving pebbles to get home. That’s even dumber! Those stupid kids deserve what’s coming to them.)
The only thing Hansel & Gretel has going for it is an excess of candy. Even if I knew I was eventually going to be cooked and devoured by a witch I would be completely down with spending my last few moments on earth eating the interior of a candy house. So so worth it.
Because filmmakers are sitting on mountains of cash without a single good idea to throw it at they’re obsessed with turning fairy tales into dark brooding thrillers in an attempt to win over the chubby mall goths who buy all of the Twilight merch. Even production powerhouses like Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are not immune to this practice which is why they blew some of that comedy dough on Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters .
The bafflingly terrible-looking movie teams up the Hobbit-like Jeremy Renner with Gemma Arterton a young actress who has spent most of her career standing in front of green screens for drek like Clash of the Titans . The movie takes place 15 years after the original fairy tale with the brother and sister travelling the German countryside as they hunt down witches make wisecracks and kick a ton of ass. Here’s hoping it fails miserably at the box office — I’m not sure I can handle a sexed-up “edgy” remake of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in 2014.