Horoscopes – week of April 25 2013

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) While this week you’ll have Mars and Venus on your side the increase in your passion levels’ll make it harder to be patient and just let things ride. This’ll be a sticky issue come the weekend when the Moon opposite you’ll try to send you off the deep end. Look before you leap ’cause the climb back up is steep!

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) Sometimes the rat race is a short sprint and sometimes it’s a relay. Well hope your energy ain’t too low ’cause this week’s race is gonna be more like an enduro. In other words you won’t win by skill or by speed but by how little rest you need!

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) You’re facin’ the same dilemma as the thieves who keep stealin’ Munch’s “The Scream.” How do you fence merch when it’s hotter than steam? You can’t. Quick and easy money ain’t that great and the sketchier it is the sooner it’ll evaporate!

LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) You lions and your damn pride. Bein’ afraid to fail often means new things never get tried. Learn to see defeat as a treat and a chance to have learned at a master’s feet. The taste it leaves in your mouth’ll go from sour to sweet!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) With the Moon bein’ square to you for a few days you’ll stagger around in a bit of a haze. Now before you run like a moth to the first light you see make sure the sign says “exit” not “get yours here free.” Ain’t nobody gettin’ nothin’ for free so it’s a trap as sure as can be!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) Why stand beside your well and give everyone hell for tryin’ to take your water? The world’s gettin’ drier and hotter. Wouldn’t it make more sense to share your resources and add friends so you have more ways to find water if your supply suddenly ends?

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) Imagine that playin’ for your national soccer team and winnin’ the World Cup’s your dream. Now some NFL slicker offers you the job of place kicker so the dollar signs in your eyes flicker. If you stayed and played you’d be celebrated for decades as a national hero. Is it worth tradin’ that in for a number with zeros?

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) This week the cosmos’ll not only upgrade your bow ’n’ arrow to a big gun but it’ll teach you how to use it too. Now that you’re packin’ serious heat keep in mind the prime purpose of such firepower: protection. Use it otherwise and you’ll get some quick karmic correction!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) You’re like someone who walks onto their first movie set and is surprised when what you always thought was solid is just cheap balsa wood. You’ve learned a lesson in superficiality. For that you should give thanks — especially now that you realize what folks are shootin’ at you are actually blanks!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) Lately it seems there’s been a break in the flow of give ’n’ take and it’s makin’ you so mad you shake. Don’t let it send you up the bend this weekend. Your faith’s bein’ tested so don’t get bested over whether the egg in your nest is big enough yet. It’s like quicksand. Things’ll only get worse the more you fret!

PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) Don’t fear a dollop of depression dearie ’cause true transformation don’t transpire till you get teary. If you were happy every day you wouldn’t change in any way and the same ol’ borin’ person you’d remain. They call ’em “wisdom” teeth ’cause they come not just with age but with pain!

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) There’s a lot to be said about ignorin’ your head and goin’ strictly with your gut but instinct ain’t as infallible as you think. That’s why you were born with a brain. This week inspect and reflect upon your actions’ effects before makin’ ’em so you won’t spend so much time correctin’ in the wake of ’em!