We’re that much closer to being able to watch everything
Hey! Wanna watch every movie ever made?
We’re not quite there yet but we’re getting damn close. This week Video Vulture takes a look at full-length films that I never expected to find on YouTube… but damn it there they are complete and uncut. They’re not even chopped up into nine-minute chunks anymore. There’s sex violence ultra-rarities and stuff that clearly violates copyright law. There’s a risk that some of these films might be removed from YouTube forever so if any of these flicks spark your interest watch ’em now!
• Super Mario Bros. (1993). The title is a popular search term because of the classic video game so loads of baffled nerds must have stumbled across this one and marvelled at the fact that this big-budget dud is now free to watch and the studio seems to be in no big hurry to stop it. Let’s face it all of the people who actually wanted to pay money to see Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo did so years ago and now fume with regret. The current deal is this; if you have 104 minutes you wanna waste then there’s no need to waste your money as well. Just click and watch!
• Cemetery Man (a.k.a. Dellamorte Dellamore ) (1994). Now here’s a good find. Michele Soavi’s brilliantly weird zombie comedy came well before the current pop culture zombie overload and offered up plenty of art house style brooding insanity and a spectacularly gorgeous Anna Falchi having sex with a then-unknown Rupert Everett. The DVD is out of print and rare — but now you don’t need it.
• Bad Taste (1987). Still haven’t seen Peter Jackson’s breakthrough splatter comedy? Well now you have no excuse. Disgusting childish and absolutely unmissable.
• Film House Fever (1988). Chances are you’ve never seen this made-for-VHS compilation of shlock horror trailers. Check it out and you’ll see a ridiculously young Steve Buscemi as a geeky movie fan in the wraparound segments ad-libbing some snarky commentary and eventually facing a zombie attack.
• Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend (1989). Holy crap the film that invented the “tentacle rape” genre of perverted animation is on YouTube! That’s got to be a mistake.
• The Running Man (1987). Vintage Schwarzenegger.
• Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991). This prison-break film is so gory it’s impossible to take seriously. Things get wilder and wilder until seeing the warden transform into a Hulk-like monster or seeing Ricky finally escape prison by punching a 30-foot hole in the wall seems perfectly normal.
• Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965). Super hard to find on video so do yourself a favour and watch this twisted masterpiece the easy way.
• Fudoh: The New Generation (1996). Yep even the scene where the stripper operates a blowpipe with her vagina is in here.
• I Know Who Killed Me (2007). A terrible film yes but it just seems too recent to be on YouTube already. Lindsay Lohan plays twins here allowing her to win the Golden Raspberry award for Worst Actress twice in one film. She also won Worst Screen Couple.
• Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). This silly comedy manages to be as puerile as the title suggests without being grim. Watch for the scene where the killer prostitute cheerfully covers her favourite Elvis painting with a plastic sheet before revving up the ol’ Husqvarna.