Cruisin’ the Cosmos – week of March 13 2014

PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) Now that another year’s passed it’s time for you to assess the past and rank where you came in first and where you came in last. Use the former to encourage a change in the latter and by the time your next b’day rolls around you’ll be even bigger and bad-asser!

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) You’re used to takin’ action to get satisfaction but this week the best route would be to sit tight on your patootie. Mars is not only opposite you but it’s retrograde too so chances are you won’t get the desired results from most things you do. Sittin’ around is usually somethin’ you hate so remind yourself that good things come to those who wait!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) Life’s a struggle ’cause if it was always easy you’d have no reason to refrain from bein’ greasy ’n’ sleazy. Sometimes karma’ll send you a test to see if you’ll selfishly cut corners or remain completely honest. This week use your strength to overcome the temptation to do somethin’ cosmically dumb!

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) This week whatever you’re schemin’ or dreamin’ or wishin’ is gonna come up against opposition. Don’t fight ’em or hate ’em. Take their ideas and incorporate ’em. If you’re open-minded and can compromise then your foes’ll quickly become your allies!

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) You already know “you get what you give” is an axiom of the universe in which we live. Well this is kinda like sweeps week for karma. How well your ratings do can determine the next quarter’s cosmic revenue. That’s why you oughtta be sweatin’ what you be givin’ not what you be gettin’!

LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) You’ve been headstrong all along and now you’ve gotta admit you were wrong. So what? At worst that’s just a small pain in the butt. At best you’ll have new ammo after learnin’ your lesson and be packin’ a cosmic .44-calibre Smith & Wesson!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) Things can’t always go your way and when they don’t that’s no reason to play dirty. Karma don’t stop its accountin’ just ’cause your troubles are mountin’. This week when push comes to shove if you don’t act cruel like a fool but with kindness and love providence’ll shine down on you from above!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) Bringin’ things into balance is the surface of Libra’s many talents. You also embody Kali the Destroyer and you know how she deals with imbalances that annoy her. It ain’t necessarily borne of malice cruelty or hate but sometimes equilibrium means burnin’ the slate!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) Why does it always cause you surprise to learn that like a phoenix from ashes you’ll eventually rise? You’ve been through this before and as long as you roll on this earthly plane it’ll happen some more. Transmutation ain’t somethin’ to fight it’ll ultimately improve your earthly delight!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) You’re a fire sign and it’s about time you ignite somethin’ you feel deep inside to be right. Don’t worry whether it’s pragmatic or smart those qualities only play a part in your thinkin’ head not your feelin’ heart. This week pursue your desire and foster that flame into a big blazin’ fire!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) They may have said somethin’ you did not wanna hear or their actions filled you with fear but it’s pretty clear you need to make peace with someone you look up to and whose opinion you hold dear. They only passed you information. What you’re really scared of but shouldn’t be is self-transformation that’ll change who you think you should be!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) You know exactly what you gotta do and there’s nothin’ or no one who can stop you. That’s not to say there ain’t those who’ll try but they’ll be eatin’ your dust while you’re wavin’ bye-bye. This week you’ll be the Road Runner — too smart ’n’ too speedy — while they’ll be that poor sucker Wile E. Coyote!