ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) Get that itchy finger off your trigger hothead! Only yellow-bellies run but your six-shooter ain’t no match for their Gatling gun so a shootout ain’t gonna be much fun. Pull a Gandhi on ’em instead and resist without fighting so you can work out the winner without needing someone to be dead!
TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) Bulls ain’t so social since it seems most pastures ain’t big enough for two of you. But didja notice when you’re yoked up to another it’s only half as hard to plow? Put a partnership in place and soon enough the pair of you will have plowed plenty and can partition the pasture peacefully!
GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) Temporarily take “no” for an answer this week when it comes to the goals you seek. Mercury’s going to keep you tongue-tied till next month and answers will only be as good as the questions. Take time now to formulate the correct query and May will be exceptionally cheery!
CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) The reason it seems like everything has gone sour has a lot to do with your pond bein’ a bit shallow. Sure superficially the situation appears to be stale but if you look deeper you’d see it’s not quite yet ready to fail. More importantly if you open your mind you’ll have a whole sea to sail!
LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) There are at least two parallel universes — one where buses run on time people are completely reliable and the job always gets done. Then there’s the one we live in. You might as well just deal with it and get to work ’cause when you start to sweat it you straight up act like a jerk.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) No matter how much you mush the dogs or how fast they go your drive to destiny in the cosmic Iditarod is doomed to defeat unless you generate more heat. The only sure way to do that is light the fire within and let all that love radiate while you’re busy shinin’!
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) Monday’s full moon is in your sign and one of two things is most likely to happen. If your personal code of ethics is in sync with how you truly think you’re fine. If you’re not sure what you think you’ll find yourself in a six-month bind. Before it arrives make up your mind!
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) Wear a blindfold this week and rely on the force to guide you through shifting currents of energy not GPS. You’ll draw yourself towards a more harmonious existence where your creative energies will not be wasted as much as they are now. At first you may stumble around but in no time your balance will be found!
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) Funny how what used to make you really happy hasn’t provided you with the same kinda kicks since you’ve gone fanatically crazy about your work. Coinkydink? Mmmmm could be. But doubtful. This week pull back on your attack and focus on havin’ the fun you recently lack!
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) Y’know why rich folk are so often unhappy? ’Cause the more they have the more they worry someone’s gonna take it away from them. Pretty silly huh? Enjoy your weekend without worryin’ if what’s makin’ it worthwhile will last otherwise you won’t enjoy anything at all by the time it’s passed.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) There’s lots for you to do right now so you have to choose what you spend your valuable time on very carefully. If you keep goin’ off half-cocked you’ll run outta ammo pretty soon. Then what’ll you use to shoot the moon?
PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) You seem to think you can do whatever the hell you want and it won’t matter. Well you can. Just don’t get any fancy ideas about the effect lastin’ forever and definitely don’t expect things to revert to the way they were once it wears off. You’ll find some decisions are irreversible like the flow of time.