Cruisin’ the Cosmos – week of May 1 2014

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) You’re used to bein’ The Decider but this week you’d best be The Let-It-Rider. Your decision-makin’ capabilities are kinda like the attention span of a six-year-old cranked up on sugar-coated cereal watchin’ Saturday morning cartoons. In other words you ain’t got one. Don’t let that worry you though ’cause if you keep switchin’ channels you’ll soon find the right show!

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) Your horoscope reads like a fortune cookie. You know “the road to love and riches starts with a single step.” Well them fortune-writin’ folks are definitely hip to where you’re at right now and how! Take a new path soon and you ’n’ the fortune cookie’ll be totes in tune.

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) You’re the “mother” of the Zodiac but don’t start picking up traits that make moms whack. Naggin’ clingin’ guilt-trippin’ shelterin’ and such can get you the behaviours you want but emotionally you’ll drift out of touch. It’s this petty stuff you need to rise above if you wanna be thought of with respect and love!

LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) Spring’s in full swing and by the middle of the week the Moon’ll make a visit to your sign. Use that illumination as a springboard to start yourself on a whole new track ’cause if you keep walkin’ this one you’ll only hold yourself back. To avoid future financial sorrows now ain’t the time to rest on your laurels!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) Just ’cause you’re right ain’t a reason to pick a fight. If you were on the correct path before lashing out would clearly show how far you’ve strayed. No surprise since that’s pretty much the outcome of every crusade. Don’t get carried away. Relax cut back on attacks live and let live ’cause everybody’s got somethin’ worthwhile to give. Don’t you want some?

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) If a rat fought tooth and claw to the top of the highest garbage pile in the landfill would it stop to wonder what was so important about this particular heap when mountains of refuse are abundant and cheap? No it’s a rat. It’ll just fight. But you’d at least think about why you’re doin’ what you’re doin’ ’cause you’re a self-aware human. Right?

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) Karmically speakin’ you’re on double-secret probation and don’t even know what penalties you may be facin’. So keep both your nose clean and a low profile on the scene. Right now your fate’s still up in the air so if you were smart you wouldn’t dare get involved with anyone who could bring it all crashin’ down on you!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) No matter how tense the situation may be shootin’ other folks down won’t set you free. You may be the only sign armed with their own missiles but right now’s not the time for a payload to be delivered. Self-control is key to your success this week so keep them arrows quiet in their quiver!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) You’re undergoing a major metamorphosis while learnin’ how to exist in ecstatic bliss and sublime unity with the entire universe. Of course at first you’ll find it’s not conducive to the daily grind but that’s all in your head. Like the Zen master said: “Before enlightenment chop wood carry water. After Enlightenment chop wood carry water.”

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) This week you’ll feel like a cornered cat caught in a pack of big dogs fightin’ each other. There ain’t much you can do except stand by and watch the fur fly. Just like that cat don’t you dare give anyone a hand ’cause you could get turned on and you’re crazy out-manned. They are still dogs by the way so MYOB till you can safely slink away!

PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) Taoism takes as its basic rule that if you observe nature’s way you can’t be played like a fool. Every element animal and plant can teach you a lesson when you pay close attention. If you think your problem has no solution you better get wise ’cause the answer you seek is in front of your eyes!

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) Don’t waste time this week worryin’ about financial woes. It’s just how life goes. It costs you a dime but you only got a nickel. By the time you get the dime you need a quarter. Get a quarter and now it’s a buck so you’ll always feel like you’re outta luck. The only thing you can really do is find nickel number 1 first then number 2.