Snack Talk — Cadbury Dairy Milk Ritz

This is a special Snack Talk as this is a treat from the United Kingdom. My friend and editor of this column went to Scotland in the fall and brought me back a couple of strange and disgusting snacks to try.

One of them was some sort of dusty old marshmallow treat that tasted like the strange freeze-dried marshmallows in cereal [Ed. note: they’re called Iced Gems and they’re deliciously awful] and the other snack was this Cadbury Dairy Milk Ritz chocolate bar.

Now I am a big fan of the salty delicious Ritz cracker. I even enjoy the little bites with the orange space cheese in the middle. But by the looks of this bar it appears to be two crackers with chocolate in between them. This looks to be a lazy chocolate sandwich.

This chocolate bar is pretty old considering my friend got it for me in the autumn but the “best before” date says I am safe from any harm. Inside the package the chocolate bar was split into four parts each with two tiny Ritz crackers in the middle on either side of the chocolate like a miserable sandwich.

The crackers looked different than a Ritz. They were a lighter tint and had no real colour. It was sort of an eggshell white. The chocolate is nothing to write home about either. It was plain Dairy Milk chocolate. If this was supposed to be the “Wild and Crazy Guy” of the Dairy Milk universe they didn’t do a very good job. The texture was kind of reminiscent of a Crunch bar except without any stupid crisped rice shoved in there. Instead it’s a sad cracker.

The chocolate quickly overpowers the cracker once it is bitten and any notion of salty Ritz goodness is quickly diminished. I have to admit I thought this was a bullshit snack to begin with but I learned a long time ago not to judge a snack by its wrapper. I guess in this instance I was right.

My love of the Ritz cracker may have gotten the best of me and I was a tad optimistic. The worst part about this chocolate is that it is just plain boring. I have had disgusting snacks many times and at least those were interesting. Tasting a Hello Kitty jellybean that tastes like puke is at least strange enough that you can think about the process. “How did something this gross make it through the initial taste testing process?”

This just seems to be a situation where Cadbury deemed the chocolate “good enough” and away it went onto the shelves where it could make everybody who came in contact with it very indifferent and very bored.