Sadly even the most dramatic of one-footed martial arts poses can’t save Never Back Down from utter ridiculousness
Mixed Martial Arts flick a muddled mess
Like some sort of unholy union between The Karate Kid Best of the Best YouTube and ADHD enter the frosty-haired dragon that is Never Back Down .
Sean Faris who looks like the poor man’s Tom Cruise and every kid I hated in high school stars as Jake an angry young man tailored to beat the hell out of his peers and make pre-teen girls jizz. After single-handedly taking out a rival football team after someone makes a crack about his dead dad (whose drunk driving fatality Jake blames himself for) his family relocates from Iowa to Orlando. The reasons for this aren’t made entirely clear but I think it has something to do with his little brother training to be a tennis star and Orlando being the best place to do this.
Jake enjoys high school where not only is he introduced to the lovely Baja (Amber Heard) but his reputation as a brawler has made him super cool (via a YouTube video of the football fight). Really? Has this ever happened? I’m sure it will at some point but uh I dunno. Anyway Jake stumbles upon a group of kids fighting under the bleachers in a DIY-styled fighting tournament. Seems the big thing is mixed martial arts (which mostly looks like regular martial arts with more grappling and dancing). Jake loves the fighting but has to beat the best fighter in school Ryan (Cam Gigandet). Ryan is of course a huge prick who beats the shit out of Jake for giggles in order to set up the epic brawl that will end the movie.
Jake needs some serious training. Enter Dijmon Hounsou who in the Mr. Miyagi role looks buff and spouts epithets about revenge solving nothing (which actually it does — at least in this movie) and how careful breathing makes it easier to kick things harder.
Never Back Down is despite its awfulness a serviceable adolescent fantasy where the strongest survive (and look really hot doing it) and fall in love (but curiously never get laid). Karate chop!
