This is how you make teenagers pay attention during sex ed

Dear Canada

Sometimes you’re weird and boring. You’re almost always too cold. You rarely get any of the movies I want to see in your theatres and your politics irritate me. But just when I’m thinking I’ve had enough of you Canada you go and do something like this .

Oh yeah that link? Totally NSFW.

It leads to a flash game developed and hosted by the Middlesex-London Health Unit (that’s London Ontario) where you play as a ripped dude with — and none of what follows is a joke — penises for hands that fire shark-faced sperm at women while also bombarding players with questions about STIs. Yes. This is a real thing.

Working in a more-or-less respectable office environment there is absolutely no way I can play this at the moment to report on the actual levels of obcenity but I’ve been looking at various screenshots and… yeah. Those are definitely some dick hands.

Anyway I can’t help but think this is exactly the kind of thing I would have reveled in playing very openly with the sound turned up in the computer lab of my very conservative high school (I went to high school in Brooks the town of oil meat and depressingly regressive worldviews).

"But it’s educational" I would say shit-eating grin spreading across my face as the blood rose in some teacher’s cheeks. "Surely you’d want–and by want I mean ‘are Provincially mandated’–to support this kind of awareness in the classroom. Clearly I am doing nothing wrong. What does ‘obnoxious’ mean?"