CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 — JAN. 19) What gives? The stars say you still have to dump some ballast. Are you holdin’ out somewhere? Until you ditch that extra baggage you’re gonna find it pretty hard to get your ass off the ground.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 — FEB. 18) You asked for it you got it! If you haven’t heard the official word you will soon — just in time for your coming b’day! Did somebody say solar return? Maybe that’s why Mars is knockin’ at your door all month…. He wants you to come out ’n’ party!
PISCES (FEB. 19 — MARCH 20) Some pipsqueak is going to push their way into your life this week. If you don’t push back or head for cover it’s probably because you choose to see the good in everyone. News flash: it ain’t always there.
ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) You know you’re right that’s how you’ve been able to get where you are. But the current is flowin’ against you right now and you’re starting to get tired. Quit swimming though and you lose everything you’ve gained so far. So basically don’t quit swimming. M’kay?
TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) You’ll sew up your past so well this week you should try becomin’ a tailor. Now that’s over with it’s time to move on to new pastures. Don’t fret. You’ll love it and be happier than ever before just don’t expect to get rich. At least not for a long time that is.
GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20) Work your ass off this weekend and it’ll all come together for you. Especially if while you’re workin’ yours off you’re whuppin’ theirs. Good thing too ’cause that’s when you’re happiest ain’t it?
CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) Sometimes to get what we want we have to tread a hard trail. While we often harden ourselves to do it it’s okay to be soft. In fact it’s better if you are. If you pulverize any pest who pokes your soft spot you can be as soft as you wanna be!
LEO (JULY 23 — AUG. 22) The only way you’ll find your happiness is if you’re ambitious. Y’know hunt it down mercilessly and kill it. You lion-type people oughta be pretty good at that. If you aren’t it’s time you watch a few nature shows and take some lessons.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 — SEPT. 22) Looking at things from a purely practical POV a truce is only the delayin’ of dastardly deeds. If you’re gonna be the Brutus who breaks it you better be damn sure you’ll emerge victorious. And there’s only one way to make sure of that isn’t there?
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 — OCT. 22) You’re only going to be bummed if you try to be the boss. While you know what you’re talkin’ about you can’t always make them morons listen. Go for the role of guide instead — do what you love best and simply be a beacon to those who believe.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 — NOV. 21) You’ve just started a new project that promises to bring success. While you already know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it it’s unfortunate your own smarts are blockin’ your way. Maybe if you didn’t know jack you’d get a lot further. Nobody’s afraid of a fool!
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 — DEC. 21) Working out a deal just for the sake of gettin’ along is dumb. They’ll just screw you in the end so screw ’em now. Do what you want to not what you think is right. The only thing you really have to live with ain’t them it’s you.
