Spoiler: it has a lot to do with butts
Being naturally hilarious isn’t something everyone is born with. Try to think of one hilarious baby who’s emerged from the womb with a well-crafted five minutes of material. Hopefully you can’t. Seen as a superpower by many and a curse by some true Hilarity can prove an elusive Holy Grail of Having Lots of Friends and Getting Tons of Pussy. While it should be noted that many hilarious people are frustrated virgins who don’t have very many friends the pursuit of and mythos surrounding being a hilarious person persists nonetheless.
It is a dismal fact that upon graduating from grade school butt jokes entering adulthood leaves many with limited source material. While it’s true that few things in life rival the hilarity of butts those blessed with the silly sight (an atrocious term recently invented by me) are seemingly able to find levity in anything. Others less fortunate get by easily enough winning favour with movie references or parroting their comedic idols. To become a genuinely hilarious person however one must possess a finer understanding of mirth. And with comedic plagiarizers being sniffed out with increasing vigilance (don’t plagiarize jokes! Ever!!) unique and original comedic perspectives hold increasing social value. There are zero studies to prove this.
If you’re a person trying to be hilarious the first question you must ask yourself is: why did you ever leave behind those grade school butt jokes? Butts are and ever will be hilarious. If you truly wish to unlock the upper levels of ultimate hilarity the first level is to hone a finer appreciation for butt jokes. See the example below (please note that hilarity does not always require grammatical accuracy):
“Sorry about how I sat on your sunglasses and now my butt has your sunglasses on all the time and looks really cool.”
This joke relies not only on the hilarity of butts but also the value of sunglasses as a comedic object. Literally anything wearing sunglasses looks really cool. A banana? Cool. A dog? Really cool. A dog’s butt? Wow crazy cool. My butt or your butt? Still very very cool yet not quite as cool as a dog’s butt as the Internet has proven time and time again. Because they have tails that look like noses. Perhaps a stronger joke then would be:
“Sorry about how my dog sat on your sunglasses and now his butt has your sunglasses on all the time and looks really cool especially when he wags his nose.”
Great.
Now that you’ve reconnected with your grade school appreciation for butt jokes the next step is simple: Have a background that from an early age (ideally) has weathered you down to resigned acceptance that the universe is chaotic and unforgiving and that the only peace to be found is through embracing the absurdities of human existence.
Okay you’re all set. However you choose to wield your newfound Hilarity please remember to do so with kindness and compassion. Be smart and nice. The best butt of any joke is your own stupid butt. Now go find a stage.
Sarah Adams is a Calgary-based comedian writer and visual artist. Visit her website at saraghadams.com or follow her on Twitter at @saraghadams.
