When I was about 8 years old my grandparents took me to Arby’s while we were on a road trip. I had never tried Arby’s before and I wasn’t really interested due to the sign looking like a big sad fish. I wasn’t into eating seafood at the time so I was gearing up for a major disappointment. When we arrived I was pleasantly surprised to see mostly beef items on the menu. It was a huge relief. At the time this food did not make much (or any) impact on me at all. It was just another day driving around eating garbage food.

Between then and now my interest with the sliced roast beef fast food chain has increased… a little. Every Arby’s location looks pretty drab and I am always the youngest person ordering food there. Arby’s has been mocked on television programs and websites such as The Onion for being terrible or for just giving up in regards to making decent food. The Onion headline was “Arby’s Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef”. I thought this was pretty funny although I do have cravings for the roast beef sandwich from time to time.

The funny thing is Arby’s recently announced a special secret menu item called the “meat mountain” which was a $10 sandwich filled with every meat they had. I thought this was another joke article but it was real! I couldn’t believe it and I was kind of excited to try it out. I decided to send Arby’s a message to ask them if this was a real menu item. I received this reply:

Dear Mr. Curry

The Meat Mountain is not an official menu item and is not promoted by Arby’s. It is only available at participating restaurants; prices may vary among restaurants that offer it. It became available by consumer demand after several guests saw an image of it in our restaurants. We are as surprised as you that so many people are interested in this sandwich which does have an abundance of meat!


Arby’s Guest Support

Thanks Arby’s!

By this time I wasn’t really up for a meat challenge anyway. I am not one of those “Man V.S. Food” gluttons who try to shove as much food in their face as possible. I also didn’t want to bother the kid working there who always seems to be complaining about something to nobody in particular. I did feel like I should still report on a couple of sandwiches though so I went to the mall by my house to get my beef on.

I picked up a Classic Beef and Cheddar and a Philly Beef and Swiss sandwich from the food court and rushed home to eat them. I tried the Philly Beef and Swiss first because I don’t think I have tried it before. If it was disgusting I could always fall back on my old friend Beef and Cheddar.

The Philly Beef sandwich tasted like I imagine food tasting like as a cartoon version of a senior citizen. It was a weird blandness I have never felt before. Like I was in a dusty old grey apartment with a wheezing dog by my side watching ancient game shows I already knew the answers to while slowly letting my body rot into nothingness. Not to say it was completely terrible. I just felt like a stereotype of something that doesn’t really exist. The idea of making an Arby’s version of the classic Philly Cheese Steak should just be scrapped. They should give it a different name entirely.

The Beef and Cheddar sandwich is a classic and cannot be messed with. Of course the beef is in a sad blob and the “cheese” is squirted on unevenly along with the sauce… but it’s good! As a snack I devoured it in no time flat. Sure my stomach is now tossing and turning but that is nothing a nap with meat nightmares/sweats can’t fix.

A few years ago when I worked in customer service I bought some Arby’s at the mall and was eating it on my break. A delivery guy came by to drop off some parcels and noticed me eating a sandwich. “You know they bring the meat into Arby’s in these tiny tubes and squeeze them out onto the bread to make sandwiches” he told me as if it was going to deter me from eating there altogether. Sorry man but those meat tubes hold a special place in my heart.